


The Hunters

by ineamare



Series: The Hunters [1]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Drug Use, Felching, Fisting, Flashbacks, Humiliation, M/M, Panic Attacks, Pedophilia, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Rimming, Suicidal Thoughts, Torture
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-17
Updated: 2017-11-06
Packaged: 2018-12-03 13:20:21
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 8
Words: 32,274
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11533074
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ineamare/pseuds/ineamare
Summary: First Person AU: Eren is kidnapped by a child molester and held captive.  When he escapes, he finds he has no home to return to, and becomes a prostitute.  He meets Levi, a bounty hunter on a mission to take down the criminals who ruined his life, and agrees to accompany him around the country in exchange for locating his lost sister.  LevixEren, basically everyonexEren, Non-con/Rape, underage, graphic violence, drug abuse.  This story contains potential triggers and graphic scenes. Please read at your own discretion.  Updates every two weeks on Monday.





	1. In and Out

**Author's Note:**

> There is a playlist on Spotify by eramaeni that accompanies this fic called The Hunters. It's basically Eren's playlist/Levi's playlist and songs that inspire me sort of by chapter. Feel free to creep it or suggest songs.
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own Shingeki no Kyojin/Attack on Titan or any of the related material used in this fiction.
> 
> Story Warnings: Dub-con, rape, torture, gore, pedophilia, bondage, drug use, violence. Read at your own discretion.
> 
> Chapter Warnings: Rape, pedophilia

In and out. For a long time, everything was in and out.  
  
In and out of my body.  
  
In and out of my mind.  
  
My mother and father had tried for years to have a child. After the first year of trying unsuccessfully, they applied for an adoption. Two years later, they were granted a little girl named Mikasa. Her father had died three months earlier, and her mother died from complications of the birth shortly after naming her. Two days after bringing Mikasa home, my mother found out that she was six weeks along.  
  
Growing up, Mikasa was timid, but I was a hothead. I fought with everyone about anything, and somehow she always saved me when I fell down. We played with a blond boy two houses over named Armin. The three of us were thick as thieves.  
  
When I was ten, I got into a fight with Mikasa and Armin—it was so stupid. It was my dream to join the military. We lived near the base, and I'd watch the men coming and going. They were strong, and kind, and I admired them above anything else. But Mikasa and Armin hated it, the idea that I could put my life in harm's way...they didn't understand what that meant to me. So, typical me, I got pissed and ran off. How could they disagree with me? I wasn't content to sit around while other people fought for justice in the world. I wanted to travel and see what was out there, like Armin. I wanted to protect the things I loved, like Mikasa. Wasn't joining up really the best idea, then? How could that be wrong? Those were the things I was thinking about when I ran off. Not that I should be careful around strangers.  
  
I remember being too out of breath to scream and too tired to fight. When I opened my eyes, I saw the doors of a van. Someone beside me was shouting, and then a face was over mine, telling me not to cry. Telling me that I would be fine. When I woke up next, everything was quiet and dark. For me, it doesn't get more terrifying than that.  
  
Even when he would come touch me, it wasn't so scary. I learned to handle feeling his grimy hands on me, learned to handle the sick, heavy breathing in my ear, learned to handle when he brought over playmates, learned to handle feeling sick all the time because he only fed me sweets, learned to handle being tied up all day and night; the stale stench in the air, the bucket I had to shit in, and the sound of the ring he wore scraping against the metal bowl he used to wash me—I even learned to ignore the screams of the other victims throughout the house.  
  
But I'll never get over the darkness.  
  
Darkness is suffocating. I never knew what time it was. Never knew when the food would come, or when I'd be clean, or for how much longer I'd have to hold my piss. I never knew if those footsteps were coming to hurt _me_ , or if they were meant for someone else. Even when he turned on the dim light, I was always blindfolded. Always in the dark.  
  
Until that day.  
  
I heard his footsteps on the stairs, and I had eaten, used the toilet, and bathed all within what felt like the last hour, so I knew exactly why those footsteps were coming. The only question was what he was in the mood for. Would he use his hands, or his mouth? Would he say dirty things, or stay silent? Would he ask me to touch him? Would he cover his cock in maple syrup and tell me to lick it all off?  
  
The first indication that something was different was that he untied my hands. My hands were never untied, even to eat. Next, he took the blindfold off, and for the first time, I saw his face. The light was pretty dim in that dingy basement, but I was sure I would always remember that face.  
  
The last thing he did was leave the gag in—and he never left the gag in. He liked to hear me cry. I lay on my back, looking up at him. He put a hand on my stomach and smiled softly.  
  
His voice was scratchy and deep. "You've been a really good boy, so I thought that you should be rewarded. Today, we're going to do something I save for only the older boys. Okay?" I nodded slowly, anxiety bubbling up into my chest and making my jaw tense. "Relax," he said lowly, stroking my stomach. The cotton of my shirt suddenly felt scratchy instead of soft. "You're going to do great. You're going to become a big boy today."  
  
I grabbed his hand and whimpered.  
  
He laughed and flipped me onto my belly, slowly removing my clothes, like he was really savoring it. He pushed my face into the mattress and my butt up into the air. I felt something cold and slick on my entrance, and then in me. It was the strangest sensation.  
  
And then I was screaming and crying, and everything hurt. Everything hurt.  Everything _hurt_. _Everything hurt_.  
  
And then it was over.  
  
"You were so good," he said softly, again and again, running a finger down my spine. "You were _so_ good. Do you want a prize?" He removed my gag, finally.  
  
I sniffled and tried to stop crying long enough to answer. "F-food. Real food. Not ca-cake. No more cake."  
  
The man laughed. "Tonight, you won't eat cake."  
  
I stayed in that terrible position for an eternity, too scared, too embarrassed, too in pain to move. I don't know how long it was, but he came back, and something smelled great. He laughed when he saw me on the bed there.  
  
"You can't eat until you're clean." He took whatever he'd brought with him back upstairs, then reappeared with the metal bowl. The sound of his ring hitting it was hypnotic. It made a pretty sounding pitch. He cleaned me gently, and for once, the water was warm instead of cold.  
  
"There." He untied my legs. "Put these new clothes on, and I'll bring you some real food."  
  
I knew I had to bide my time, so I put on the clothes. An olive green, long sleeve shirt, and some soft, thin, white pants. Every move was agony. Pain radiated throughout my body from where he'd fucked me. I could feel the blood and cum starting to leak out of me again. It took everything in me to stop crying.  
  
"Sorry it took so long. I didn't want you to eat it cold." He sat on the bed with a smile. Always fucking smiling. But he'd made good on his promise, bringing me macaroni and cheese and some juice. The drink was too sugary for my taste, but I wouldn't complain. He ran his hand through my hair as I ate, asking if I liked it. I would just nod and keep eating. When I was done, I smiled, holding the fork loosely in my hand.  
  
"You know, I have four other boys here. But you're my favorite. You don't fight me at all. You've been so good, Eren." That was the first time he'd ever said my name.  
  
It was sickening.  
  
I stabbed the fork into his eye and ran. The split second where I saw the tines of the fork pierce him, where the blood gushed out, that surreal moment still occasionally replays in my dreams.  
  
I ignored his screaming. I didn't try to help free the other boys. I just kept running until I couldn't anymore. My feet were cut up and bleeding and swollen. Tears stung my face, and my throat hurt. It burned all the way up my spine, even days later. I had no idea where I was or how long I was in that basement. Some nights I wonder why no one stopped the kid running around with blood stains on his white pants—but I think I would have attacked anyone who tried to touch me, anyway.  
  
I slept under a bridge that night, by the water. It was fucking freezing. And then, I didn't know what to do. I needed clothes, and food, and a place to stay—and any rational person would have asked for help, gone to the police or something, but I couldn't do it. I didn't trust adults. I didn't want to be anywhere near them. I'd kind of lost it at that point, and things that should have made sense didn't.  
  
It was easy enough to figure out from the newsstands that I was in Arizona, and it had been nine months since I left home. But I was dying to know how I was gonna get back. I couldn't do it without help, but every time I tried to approach an adult, I felt sick and terrified and ended up running away. I'd either have to get over it, or figure something out myself.  
  
It turned out that fending for myself was easier. I just hung around parks after school let out and waited until some defenseless looking kid passed by. It took a few tries, but I was able to hold my own long enough to steal things from them. Their clothes, their leftover lunch money—anything. I didn't care.  
  
One day, I had the bright idea of following a school trip to the library—I easily convinced a bored teenage intern to give me a card. It was there that I found out how I'd get home.  
  
Or rather, that I _wouldn't_.  
  
I googled my parents names and found their obituaries from Buttfuck-nowhere, Pennsylvania. Grisha and Carla Jaeger were killed instantly in a collision with a runaway tractor trailer. Their adopted daughter was placed back into foster care.  
  
Well, _fuck_.  
  
So, I learned how to steal, cheat, con, and pickpocket my way into and out of everything. I bullied other kids to practice fighting—and I got beat up a lot, but that didn't stop me from trying. By the time I was thirteen, I was a little pro, and I didn't lose fights anymore. I didn't need Mikasa to bail me out. I didn't need anyone.  
  
By the time I was fourteen, I'd figured out that my body was a valuable asset. It sure beat sleeping under bridges and on playgrounds. It was easy to chat with men online at the library and have them take me home. Once they got what they wanted, I got what I wanted: wallets, watches, jewelry, and cash. And not long after that, I realized that I didn't even have to con guys out of their money. They were perfectly willing to pay for my services.  
  
My life had become a hateful series of in and out.  
  
All it took was a little momentum; one guy would tell his friends and bring a playmate, and soon they were showing up regularly at my shitty, hotel room door. On my fifteenth birthday, I slept with eight guys.  
  
And four months later, I met _him_.  
  
The Corporal.


	2. The Corporal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren Jaeger escapes from the man who kidnapped and raped him, but finds that he has no home left to return to. Eventually he turns to prostitution and accepts his new life. To him, every day feels about the same, but on one lazy summer Saturday, a chance encounter changes everything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don’t own SnK.
> 
> Chapter Warnings: dub-con, violence (sort of I guess idk)

Every morning for about a year, I opened up my eyes to see the same dingy room as ever, and this one was no different.  The bits of sun shining in from the jacked-up blue blinds over the window hit me in just the right way to rouse me from much-needed sleep.  My double bed had scratchy grey bedding that was once a pale blue and sat across from a nicked-up white dresser with a crappy old TV sitting on top.  Next to that was a door that didn't close, leading to a bathroom where everything was maybe once white, but now was tinged yellow.  To my left was a matching nicked-up white nightstand, which held a clock that was always ten minutes too fast and a lamp that lit up just about none of the room.  On the wall to my right was a bar for hanging up clothes that I never used, a mini fridge, and a microwave.  At the end was the entrance to the room.  My home.

The dark blue carpet was rough under my bare feet as I threw some breakfast from the fridge into the microwave, then showered quickly while it cooked.  Shaving was a chore, but I didn’t think I could get away without it anymore, and I wasn’t really in the mood for hearing complaints.  I never attended school, but I was determined to not end up a total fucking idiot, so I spent my time until lunch reading.  When I was ready for a break, I put a sign on the door that read: "Back at 4, xoxo!"

I dropped some books off at the library, then skipped the rest of my errands—that’s no way to spend a hot summer’s Saturday.  On days like that, I usually went to see if there were any guys my age willing to play laser tag, and on this day, there were plenty of people to team up with.  I went often enough that I’d gotten pretty good.  I pushed thoughts of how good Mikasa and bad Armin would be at it out of my mind.  The guys clapped me on the back and praised me for helping them win.  I exchanged phone numbers with a kid named Connie, but I knew it probably would amount to nothing. It wasn't like I'd be any fun to be around, and we really had nothing in common other than a penchant for playing violent games.

I decided to walk all the way back to the hotel.  I still had plenty of time left, and getting fat was _mostly_ bad for business—it was a constant battle because I was seriously addicted to junk food.  Walking also helped to clear my head—I didn’t want to be sitting around the room for a couple of hours, driving myself crazy with what kind of night I might have.  They weren’t all bad.  Some days I’d only get a couple guys.  Some days I’d get tons, late into the night, early into the morning.  Sometimes they were guys I’d actually come to like, considering the circumstances.  And then, sometimes, they were terrifying.  The ones who liked it rough.  The ones who’d hit me and throw me around and fuck me hard and treat me like shit.  Those nights where I couldn’t sleep because it hurt—because I’m afraid of the darkness—because I couldn’t breathe.  Those nights where I’d wonder, honestly, if I’d make it until the morning.

When I got back, it was a quarter to four, and I already had a John waiting.  I recognized him as a regular. He liked it when I was really sexy and into it, and he liked me to mount him. As strange as it is to impale myself on some guy's cock, I like that it puts me in control.  He was patient with me when I told him he was the first of the night. He actually liked to watch me get ready, which was fortunate because I could take my time preparing. Getting torn up by guys who can't wait sucks, and puts me out of commission.

Do you want to know the behind-the-scenes of anal sex? Being _clean_. I used a douche (which is a really easy way, once you get used to that) as privately as I could, seeing as the door didn't actually close, and then let him watch me finger myself. I got really good at acting like I enjoyed sex, because I never really did, but they paid more when I wasn’t a dead fish.

The next guy came around five, a guy who came every two weeks, like clockwork. He had a latex fetish, and he usually asked me to wear weird stuff and finger him with gloves on.  The guy after him, I _hated_. He liked to be called Daddy and wanted me to act all nervous, and he even asked me to fight back on occasion.  But the worst part was that he liked to fuck me ass up, his hand gripping my hair, pushing my face into the mattress—it always brought back bad memories. That guy was definitely the worst.

As he left, two more walked in at the same time.  "Hey," I said breathlessly, completely naked and covered in sweat, but smiling, still trying to be seductive. I didn't like when they showed up too close together. I needed the time in between to pull myself together—especially after a client like that "daddy" asshole, who always put me on edge.  I had the chance to sit up at least, but I was still on my knees, my hair even messier than usual. "I just need a minute to clean up."

An older man stood by the door. He wasn’t especially nice looking, and one of his eyes didn’t look quite at me like the other one did.  The other was admittedly handsome and flashed me a smile as he approached the bed, putting his hand on the small of my back. "You don't have to do all that. I'll take you as you are." He pushed me onto my back.

"Did you want to go together?" I asked nervously as he pulled me by my ankles, making it so that my legs hung off the side of the bed.  I’m okay with a lot of weird and uncomfortable things, but moresomes have never made it onto that list.

"No, he just wants to watch," he replied, and I nodded, relieved.  I looked up at him as he stood over me and unzipped his pants.  I suddenly felt very small.  My eyes roamed around the room, not sure what to settle on as the guy stroked himself.  They decided to land on the older man, who just stood in the corner, the gleam in his eye making me feel worse than usual.   _God_ , I just wanted it to stop.  Block it out, block it out, block it out.  Get to the happy place.

“Do you want me to do that for you?” I asked, swallowing my anxiety down.  

“No, sweetie, you just rest.”  He smiled again, but the more he did, the more fake and gross it looked.  The more I could see that sick hunger inside.  “I can help myself,” he added, wrapping his hand around my neck loosely.  I looked him dead in the face, and I must have looked as terrified as I felt, because he smiled again, sweetly—creepily.  My stomach churned.  “I won’t hurt you,” he said in a soothing tone.  “I just think you’re so pretty.”  He caressed my Adam’s apple with his thumb, and I shivered.  Something about these two made me especially nervous, although this guy was being comparatively very nice.  

I swallowed hard.  “I have condoms in the drawer.  And lube.”  He ran the hand down from my neck, first drawing a line with his finger along my collarbone, then continued down to press firmly on my nipple, dip his finger into my belly button, and finally end between my legs, where he slid two fingers into my asshole without warning.  I gasped sharply.  

“You’re pretty wet,” he said, leaning over me.  In and out.  My breath caught as he licked my cheek.  “Do you need more?”  In and out.

“No, I’m fine.”  In and out.  I just needed this night to be over.  In and out.  “Let me put the condom on you, please?”

He stopped stroking himself and pulled his fingers out of me, then stood up straight.  “If you’d like.”  I trembled the entire time, staring intently at the dude’s cock if only to avoid seeing the old guy jacking off in the corner.  “What’s your name?” he asked, stroking my hair lovingly.  I glanced up for a second, but the look on his face made my stomach lurch.

“Jaeger.”

He moved to run his fingers down the back of my neck before he wrapped his hand around it again.  “How gorgeous you are, Jaeger,” he said softly.  “Your skin is like caramel.”  He squeezed my neck just enough to make me scared about it.

“H-how do you want me?”  I pushed my fingers past the waistband of the jeans he didn’t take off, hoping he wouldn’t choke me further.  “Cute?  Or…”  I ran my hands down his legs as I lay back on the bed, spreading my own as far as they’d go, sticking a finger up my own ass.  “Slutty?”  I hated myself so much.  I wanted him to just do it already.

“This is perfect,” he moaned, practically drooling.  He put his hands on my knees and pushed in.  I closed my eyes and took in a deep breath.  In and out.  “You like it fast?”  In and out.  “Rough?”  In and out.  He bit and sucked painfully at my neck.  In and out.  I would have big, sore, purple bruises later.  

“Don’t care,” I panted.  The only way I could keep from breaking all these years was by escaping somewhere else in my mind.  By killing all the emotion.  “Just keep it steady.”  In and out.  In and out.  In and out.  In and out.  And in my head, I sang my happy song to the rhythm of his thrusts.

* * *

"I'm leaving you some extra for letting my friend watch," he said as he zipped up.

"Thanks," I forced myself to say.  I felt like throwing up.  I was so tired, I could barely move.

I heard the door open, and then he said: "Hey, Jaeger. Looks like you've got someone waiting on you."

I sat up to see who was outside the door.  This guy looked up, and I saw his eyes widen the slightest in surprise before he stared right back at me with a cold, apathetic look. He was leaning against the hood of a black cargo van with the cigarette in his left hand held up to his mouth and his right arm held horizontally across his abdomen. He had a flattering black undercut and wore a dark green motorcycle jacket, tight black pants, and black combat boots. I smiled weakly and motioned for him to come in. He took another drag from his cigarette before flicking it away and entered, shutting the door softly behind him. He never brought his steely gaze away from me, and I felt my face heat up.

"What can I do for you tonight?" I asked, turning on the charms as best I could.

"Take a shower," he replied flatly. "I don't like leftovers, and you're filthy."

"O-okay, sure," I said, taken aback. Every second of the day I hated myself, feeling sick and dirty and used. I didn't like hearing someone else reminding me. I stole a glance at the clock first; it said nine. He stood in the vestibule of the bathroom as I turned on the water and got in. "So, what should I call you?" The water was freezing, and it hurt.  Thankfully, it didn’t take too long before I started to feel numb from it.

There was a second of silence, which I came to learn was natural in conversation with him.  "Corporal."

My heart skipped a beat.  “Oh.”  I smiled reminiscently, not that he would have known. I still had a soft spot for that sort of thing.  "So, you're a military man?"

"Not quite." It was clear that he wasn't a talker, and things got quiet for a while after that.

"What do you know about the two who were just here?" he asked abruptly while I was cleaning the inside of myself thoroughly.

I shrugged.  "Nothing, really. First time they've been here. Didn't give me names. The one wanted to fuck me while the older one watched." I paused, a little disturbed at how easily things like that came out of my mouth.  Guess that’s the price I paid when I made the decision to whore. "That's about all there is to it."

"Hm."

Things were silent again, and as I exited the shower, I noticed that he averted his eyes when I passed him.  I figured it was best to just dress quickly. "So, I take it you were following them?"

He paused as if debating how to answer. "Yes." Another second went by. "I didn't expect to be lead to a prostitute. It's not in his M.O., so to speak."

"...Right.”  A prostitute.  How kind of him.  “So, I guess you won't be needing my services, then?" I toweled off my hair and tossed the damp cloth past him, toward the bathroom floor.

He looked me dead in the face and said simply, "I didn't say that." My eyes widened. He stepped forward to put a hand on my hip and another on my cheek.  I blushed the slightest bit.  The way he looked at me flipped a switch I didn’t realize I had.

"Well, then," I said lowly, putting my hand on his belt buckle, "why don't you let me show you what I can do?"

Both of his hands came to my hips and he pushed me back a little. For the first time, I noticed how short he was.  "I don’t want you to put on a show for me.  I want you to tell me what you actually like, and what you don't. I want you to enjoy it, and I _don't_ want you to fake it."

I nodded slowly. "Yes, Corporal." I wasn't really sure what to think about that.  ‘Enjoy’ had never been a word I associated with hooking.

He pulled me in so that our bodies were flush and leaned in to kiss me softly.  It caught me a little off guard.  Kissing...if I kissed the guys at all, it was sloppy and awkward and I'd just as rather not do it. But this?  This was hot and needy and thoroughly arousing.  He nibbled and sucked at my lips and grabbed my ass.  I couldn’t help but lean against him for more.  My hands moved from his belt, up his chest to his shoulders. He pulled us closer together to deepen the kiss, and my mouth opened without me telling it to.  I'd never been kissed like that before.  I playfully slid my tongue against his, trying to look like I had more experience kissing than I did.  His hot tongue traced along every little bit of my mouth. It started to get hard to breathe, and we separated, panting, eyes half-lidded.  He pushed me toward the bed. I felt it hit the back of my knees and let myself fall backward. It felt softer than usual.

He straddled my hips, hovering above me, just looking down and licking his lips as if he were deciding what to do with me. Before I had the chance to feel too nervous, he came down for another kiss. One hand laced its fingers with mine, up next to my right ear, and the other snaked its way under my t-shirt to play with my nipples. My free hand went to his shoulder, and I was actually starting to feel pretty good. From what I felt when he ground his hips against mine, so was he.

"Corporal," I breathed as he rose again, pushing me back further onto the bed so that we both could lay comfortably. I purred at the feeling of his hips against mine a few more times and he pushed my shirt up to my collarbone. _Foreplay,_ I thought as his lips enclosed around one of my nipples. _This is foreplay._ Yet another experience I didn't usually get to enjoy. Most guys just wanted to get to the business, or I just felt gross when they tried to touch me. But with this guy? I could get used to it.

For the first time in my life, I was enjoying something sexual; it was more than just the physiological response, and sometimes I didn't even get that.

He deepened the kiss while he switched between stroking my stomach and teasing my nipples, and I started to get impatient, like some dumb, horny kid. I brought my hips up to meet his and we moaned together. I felt that he was even harder than me, even though I was the one on the receiving end of the ministrations. Didn't he want more, too?  When he didn't go for it, I ground my body against his again.

He sat up and looked at me with that blank face. "Didn't I say that you should tell me what you want?"  

Was that what he was waiting for?  "I want more," I said lowly, looking away.

"More what," he breathed hotly into my ear.  

"I—I want you to fuck me."

 He just looked at me for a second, his face a hair's width away. It made me blush again, and he kissed and sucked at my neck. Despite how sore I was, it felt really great, and my hips bucked up involuntarily.  It was a night of firsts; involuntary wasn’t typical. I always faked it. Every sound, every touch, every little bit of sex was planned and timed out.

But this guy gives me a hickey, and suddenly I can't control my own body.

His hands worked on sliding my pants down, and then he stood up and started to undress himself. I kicked my pants all the way off and reached over to grab more lube and a condom from the nightstand. I sat up in the middle of the bed and realized that my shirt was still smushed up around my collarbone, so I pulled that the rest of the way off too. The Corporal knelt in front of me, entirely bare, his dick standing proudly against his stomach. It was pretty sizeable, and all of a sudden I felt nervous.

"My rule is that I put it on for you." My throat felt dry as I tore open the wrapper. "That way I know that it's on right." He nodded, and I took him in my hand, stroking him a few times before putting it on.

"Are you nervous?" I detected the slight emotion in his voice.

"Of course not," I smiled, but my heart was pounding, and my face burned. He probably could tell I was lying.  "I've done this a million times."  I had literally done it for someone else less than an hour before, but I honestly still felt nervous every single time.  I lay back and he put his hands on my knees, pushing my legs up and apart.

"You've never done it with _me_." I shuddered, and swear on my life that he smirked for a second. He took the lube and squeezed some onto his fingers, then slipped two of them into me at the same time. It had been sweltering all day, so thankfully the lube was a little warm. I sighed contentedly at the feeling. He had surprisingly long, slender, dexterous fingers for someone so short and stocky, and although I didn't really need to be stretched—which is obvious enough, but still left me feeling a little embarrassed—he went slowly and rubbed at every little bit, slicking up my silky passage. I pushed my hips back against his fingers, showing him that I was ready for more. He put in the third and continued taking his time sliding them in and out. I started to get annoyed. I was definitely stretched enough for him to fit. I gripped the sheets and bucked my hips to feel more, then started to touch my dick to relieve the strain. He just kept his tortuously slow pace, leaving me panting and mewling. I saw the devilish glint in his eye, although the rest of his expression remained unchanged, and knew that he was just teasing me. He wanted me to want it. He wanted me to beg.

But Eren Jaeger begs for no one...or so I thought.  After another minute of gyrating my hips in an attempt to get what my body was asking for, I caved in. "Corporal," I whined, "what are you waiting for?" 

He chuckled and pulled his fingers out, then put his hands on my thighs and his tip to my rim. "I promise to make you scream." His voice was husky, and he pushed himself in all the way up to his balls in one swift motion. I groaned gratefully in relief. The need I felt was overwhelming, and I thought that I would cry, or explode, or just die. Maybe all three.  He fit so well in me. I thought I would be too loose, but I felt a pleasurable stretch. He waited for me, and I sighed again, getting used to it. I nodded, and he started to thrust.

Like his teasing foreplay, the Corporal's approach to intercourse was methodical, but instead of meaning to make me intensely desire him, he wanted me to intensely orgasm. He knew exactly where to press, and how hard, and what pace made me the most wanton—if it was even possible to increase that feeling in me. He started with long, slow thrusts, pulling out until his tip was just barely still inside and pushing back in as far as my body would allow, depending on how relaxed I was able to keep my muscles.

I moaned, "C-corporal," and he made his body flush with mine.

"Does it feel good?" His thrusts got harder and he gripped my hips painfully tightly.

"Uh-huh," I gasped, digging my nails into his back. A scream tore from my throat as he hit my sweet spot and my face flushed again. I bit my lip to try and stifle the gross noises I was making.

"Hey," he grunted, "don't do that. If you silence yourself, I'll have to try harder."

I reluctantly complied.  "Ah. Aahh." He was still pushing pretty hard, but stopping to only just graze my prostate a little.

"You see," he panted, his pace quickening and movement becoming more shallow, " I always keep my promises. And I promised to make you scream." He thrust in deep and hard, slamming into my prostate. I tasted blood when the scream ripped out of my body, like it bubbled up from down deep and forced itself out too quickly.

"Corporal!"

"Did you like that?"  It kind of surprised me that he was the kind of person to ask for so much flattery.  

I started to feel overwhelmed again, choked up by hormones and emotion, holding back tears. I wasn't being professional at all.  "Yes! Don't...don't stop!"

He didn't let up, and I was embarrassed at all the noise I was making, but it seemed like he liked the feedback. I figured he just had a big ego.  Soon, I just couldn't take it anymore and I came, moaning long and low, stroking myself. His nails dug painfully into my hips, drawing blood as my body tensed around him.

I scarcely heard him breathe my name, "Jaeger..." I knew he was finishing, riding out his orgasm. Then he pulled out, and I winced at the little wet 'pop' sound it made. He didn't waste any time, standing up and turning away to take the condom off.

I sat up gingerly, already feeling pretty sore. "What if I see those guys again?" I was still out of breath.

"I lost the trail by staying here, but it I would have blown it then, since he noticed me." I think he said it more to himself than to me. "I'd like it if you'd let me know." His voice was back to its monotone. How does anyone regain their composure that quickly after sex that good? Unless...

"I'll leave my number for you," he added on his way to the bathroom.

Did he like it as much as I had?  "Okay." I got up slowly.

"Could I shower here?"

"If you don't mind that the hot water doesn't work."

He shrugged, and I heard the water start up. I gathered up his clothing, folded it up, and left it on the edge of the sink for him. When I turned back to the bed, I noticed that instead of the scratchy blue covers, there was a nice, albeit disheveled, white blanket spread out across the top.

I guess he didn't want to touch the same place as all those other guys. I remembered his comment about leftovers and it made my heart hurt. I was so disgusting.

I felt like I'd just lost my virginity to the Corporal. Sex with him opened my body up to a whole new world of physical pleasure and made me realize that sex was strongly emotional (or at least had the capacity to be), and that whatever I was doing before wasn't really sex at all. I'd never been proud of what I did, but I'd never felt so ashamed before.

It was going to be so much harder to just sleep around with guys.

I folded up the blanket and hugged it to my chest, sitting on the bed. It smelled like him, and it shocked me that I could already recognize that scent.

"Jaeger." He stood in the doorway of the bathroom in his gray shirt and black pants. "What do I owe you?"

"Nothing. Don't worry about it." I nuzzled into the blanket and the rest of my dialogue was muffled. "This one’s on me."

His face tilted down the slightest bit. "Are you sure?"

"Yes." I didn't want to cheapen the way I'd felt with money. I wanted to hold on to the belief that I was more than just a tool for getting off. I wanted the fact that this body was _mine_ to matter.  Even if I never saw him or his bounty ever again, I wanted to think that he might...think of me again.

He huffed lightly with his arms crossed, taking a couple steps forward. "Why don't you keep that blanket?"

"Huh? Really?" I suddenly felt awkward for snuggling it so tightly.

"I don't want it." He pulled his green jacket back on. "It's gross."

"Oh. Right." My shoulders slumped a little. But what had I been expecting? Why was I acting like some stupid schoolgirl?

"You're really not bothered, are you? Sitting there naked in front of me."

I laughed nervously. "I guess I don't have much shame left." I stood and started pulling on clothes, whatever I had strewn about during the day.  It honestly didn't occur to me that I was still naked.

"Hm." We stood there awkwardly for a moment.

"So, uh..."

"My phone number."

"Right." I looked around for a moment, but my phone really could have been anywhere. "Uh..."

He rolled his eyes. "Pen and paper?" The impatience in his voice was apparent.

"Here." I grabbed the pad and pen from the nightstand and handed them to him. He started to write, then I watched him scribble, and then he gave the pen a death glare and chucked it into the trash bin with more grace than a shitty pen probably deserved.

"I've got one in the van." He left the door open as he headed out, which I took as an invitation to follow him, although for many reasons I shouldn't have. I shivered violently, my bare feet padding out onto the pavement. One thing I never got used to about living in the desert was the sweltering heat during the day and the bitter cold at night. No middle ground.

He opened the driver's side door and produced a pen. I always think of the dumbest things, but who is that organized? I would have been rummaging around like an idiot.

"Here." I took the pad from him. "The pen too." His facial expression tacked the word 'idiot' onto that statement.

"Well, thanks." My toes were going to freeze off. "I'll let you know if I find anything out."

"Jaeger...look. Don't bother me with anything unnecessary." His eyes flicked away for a second. "But if you get into trouble, you can call me."

I smiled. "Thanks, Corporal."

He reached into his right front pocket. "Whatever." He frowned. "Keys."

"Huh?"

"My keys." If it were possible, he looked even more irritated.  "Maybe they fell out in your room."

I cocked my head to the side.  "How did you open the car?"

He rolled his eyes. "I never locked it. But I need them to _drive_." Again, he held back the word 'idiot.'

"I'll go check." I turned around, longing for the feeling of scratchy, warm rug under my feet instead of cold concrete.  I didn't even get to enjoy it though; I gagged the second I walked back into the room. It reeked of sweat and musk and dick, but I didn't notice until I'd breathed some fresh air. The Corporal managed to keep his composure but I heard the strain in his voice when he suggested opening a window.  "Yup. Yeah. On it." I got right to it and he checked for his keys around the room. I couldn't believe how gross it was. I wished the window was bigger, so it would carry more air out.

"Found them," he said, holding them up.

"Okay. Drive safe." I _am_ a fucking idiot.

"Hm."

I watched him drive away. I cried in the shower. And I snuggled his blanket for the entire night.


	3. Friends

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren tries his hand at befriending the local youth, but things go south when a familiar face shows up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Early update because I'm super impatient whoo!
> 
> I don't own AoT.
> 
> Chapter Warnings: You're gonna be like "nooooo" at the end. Maybe. This chapter is p tame and also v short, sorrynotsorry  
> And maybe also typos because I don't have a beta so eh

The sun had already brought me halfway to consciousness when I heard my phone go off.  I stretched my arms out groggily to feel for my phone on the nightstand.  It had been three days since the Corporal had come around—since I’d seen the guy he was looking for—and each day that followed had been excruciatingly boring and repetitive: wake up, get fucked, fall asleep feeling more or less hollow.  The only new development was that when I was finally done for the night, I snuggled up with that blanket the Corporal had left me.  As I peeled it off my face to check my phone, I noticed the letters PR stitched in the corner, in green.  I shrugged at it, not caring too much about its significance, and checked the text message:

“Hey eren it’s connie :)”

He’d texted me occasionally since we’d met, but mostly to talk about television shows, and usually only in the middle of the day.  I sent back “Morning.” and hoped that might convey how I felt about being texted at seven fucking thirty a.m.

It didn’t take him long to answer.  “Hope I didn’t wake you :/  I’m taking a trip to big surf with some friends, wanna come?”

My thumbs crafted a meager excuse not to go.  “I don't drive or anything.”

“I do, I can pick you up *thumbs up*”  

I sighed.  He was more stubborn than he seemed.  “You sure your friends want a stranger hanging around?” 

“Haha don’t worry it’ll be fine!!”

I frowned at that one.  Even if I went, I’d have some regulars showing up at night.  I typed, “How long will we be out?”

“No more excuses!  Meet us in a half hour at black bear diner? It's around the laser tag place. If you don't show up in an hour we'll leave without you!”

I waited a couple minutes to decide.  I was entirely sore, but honestly, that was normal.  My body kind of acted on its own, ignoring the aches and pains and rolling quite literally out of bed, pulling on my standard outfit of a tank top, a pair of black shorts that I had sort of grown too tall for, and sandals. On one wrist I wore some of those bracelets that you tie on and subsequently never take off because scissors are too much effort.  On the other I had a black waterproof watch.  It was an artifact that had survived my kidnapping, and even though it nearly didn’t fit anymore and had been glued back together twice, I never went anywhere without it.

I looked at myself in the mirror and didn't even try to tame my hair, but I _did_ worry about all the marks on my body.  I had no more bruises and scratches and hickeys than usual, but it probably wasn't a normal number for an average teen.  I sighed.  Most of them were easy enough to hide if I kept my shirt on, and it was easy enough to cover up with makeup on a normal day, but if we were going to be swimming...I just tied on a braided choker on and hoped for the best. Maybe no one would say anything. Some of them were faded enough that if you weren’t looking, you wouldn’t see them.  Only two really noticeable ones remained in plain sight.

I filled a canvas knapsack with a sweatshirt for the night, a pair of sunglasses, my keys, a wad of cash, and my phone. I hadn't been to a water park (or water anything, really) since I was really young, so I didn't exactly own things for that, but I figured I'd just let them know.

When I felt ready, I left a note on the door: "Come back tomorrow. Xoxo."

* * *

"Hey, Eren!" Connie smiled widely at me, waving his arm like a lunatic so I could see where they were sitting. I didn't actually get there until forty-five minutes later, but it didn't seem to matter. There were three other people in the booth, and I didn't think I'd fit, but I walked over to them.

"Hi," I said, trying to smile in a friendly way. Making friends had always been tough for me, even before, and I didn't know how to express much besides anger or pretend to be anything but sexy. I saw Connie’s eyes flicker to the spot on my neck where the hickeys were, but he didn't mention it.

"Sit down, sit!" He pushed the girl next to him in, scooting over for me. I kicked my knapsack under the table and felt kind of better looking at them. I wasn't sure how to dress, but apparently I'd done just fine.

"This is Sasha," the pretty brunette seated next to him who smiled, "Thomas," a blond boy across from her who nodded, "and Annie," the blonde who stared back at me blankly.

 _Like the Corporal_ , I thought absently. "Hey, I'm Eren."

"Eren, how old are you?" Sasha asked immediately.

"Fifteen." I fidgeted nervously.

"I haven't seen you around," Thomas interjected. "Do you go to Gilbert?"

I shook my head. "I'm home-schooled."

"Whoa! What's that like? If you don't mind me asking." Sasha looked genuinely interested, and it frightened me. I didn't want to lie to them, but I sure as hell was keeping the entire truth to myself.

"Uh, it's not bad."

"Hey, Sasha, you can ask him dumb stuff later. Let's get some breakfast first," Connie laughed.

"Who are you calling stupid, Connie?" she replied with a smile.

I wondered if I'd made the right choice, meeting these people.  Connie, Sasha, and Thomas talked animatedly over the menus while I tried to look at my own and forget about the fact that Annie's blatant staring was boring holes into my head. My face turned a little pink.

"Annie, what are you getting?" I asked in an attempt to get her do anything else in the world but just look at me like that. It was unnerving.

"Just scrambled eggs and toast, I think."

I nodded. "That sounds like a good idea."

"I'm getting the Hunter's Breakfast," Sasha exclaimed with a gleam in her eye. "It comes with pancakes, potatoes, eggs, Canadian bacon, sausage, regular bacon, and shredded beef."

I winced. "That's...a lot of food."

"Don't worry, she can handle it. Maybe the table can't," Thomas joked, "but Sasha can pack it away."

I was really used to eating barely anything besides microwave meals and fast food. "I can't wait to see that happen," I said genuinely.

"It’s an experience, that’s for sure," Connie joked.  After we'd ordered, I mentioned that I didn't own a swimsuit, and Connie offered to make a stop at a shopping center along the way.  “What do you do when you go to the pool, if you don't have a suit?"

"I've never gone to a pool. Or a beach."  Not since I had been six or seven, anyway.

Connie looked really surprised. "Never? But it's Arizona. I go swimming all the time."

"Don't get too excited. It's not the ocean," Annie commented dryly.

"It will be plenty of fun, Eren. Do you know how to swim at all?" Sasha seemed to find everything exciting.

"Is there a difference between swimming and not-drowning?"

"Not for our purposes," Thomas laughed.

My smile came more naturally than it had before.  "Then, yes."

The food came, and Annie and I ate while listening to Sasha try and tell us stories with her mouth full of meat as Thomas and Connie laughed. We took our time, since the park didn't actually open until ten, and I didn't mind savoring the moment. Real food. Carefree teenagers. It was like the shows I watched on television, but it didn't feel like my life. Annie had stopped staring, but every once in awhile I managed to still catch her eye.

"All right, guys. Time to pay up," Connie said.

I spoke up.  "Uh, actually, I'd like to take care of this for everyone."

"Huh? Eren, you don't have to do that."

"I...I want to." If my friendship skills were lacking, then maybe I could just buy them.

Sasha blushed. "No way! Please, let me pay for myself, Eren!"

I grimaced. "I said it's fine, so it's fine. Just let me do it."

"T-thank you very much," she said, backing off. I guess she thought it would be more disrespectful to fight about it.

"Thanks, man," Connie grinned.

"Yeah, thanks!" Thomas gave me a thumbs up, and even Annie nodded at me in approval.

* * *

"All right!" Connie led us over to his car. "I've got the station wagon today, so you three in the back should get comfy. Now who is—"

"Shotgun," Annie said flatly.

I sat in the middle between Sasha and Thomas, which is never fun, but I didn't complain. "I hope you're not too uncomfortable, Eren," she said.

"It's fine. You know, you don't have to be so polite. Just do whatever makes you feel normal."

She blushed a little. "Thanks, Eren. Hey, why don't I be the one to help you pick things out for the trip?"

"If that's what you want."

"Of course!"

I smiled as nicely as I could, and Connie looked over at me. "Don't get too friendly there, Eren. I'm staking a claim over Sasha!"

"Sorry to elbow into your territory."  Not that he had a right to her in the first place, but it seemed nicer than telling him that when he was clearly joking.

He grinned again. "I'm just teasing you. It's hard not to, when you look cute in those tiny shorts."

My first instinct was to get embarrassed, but instead I used it to my advantage. "I can look even cuter without them," I smiled mischievously.

Connie turned a little pink, and laughed. "Look at that. Eren makes jokes!"

Sasha asked me tons of questions at the store. What kind of swimsuit did I like? Something plain. Did I want to get a tan, or did I want strong sun protection? Whatever was fine. I just kind of let her do what she wanted and forked over the cash, because I didn't really care, and it was fun to watch her get really animated, especially over food. As soon as we pulled into the parking lot of the park, she was on again about food.

"Guys, let's take a snack break."

"Sasha, we haven't gotten inside the park yet,” Connie laughed, “and we only just ate two hours ago."

"Two hours and _fifteen minutes_ ; Thomas, please explain to Connie why it's important that we eat snacks right now."

Thomas didn’t seem to want to argue.  "Sasha, let's go in and rent lockers and change first. Then we can do all of that."

I changed into the black and white swim trunks Sasha had picked out and realized that I didn't get an extra shirt. I really didn't want to take mine off for obvious reasons, so I just accepted the fact that I would just be wet all day.

"You girls look nice," I said when I met them at the lockers. Sasha wore a plain red bikini and Annie was wearing a two piece suit that was light blue with white polka dots and pink ribbon. I was surprised at it, seeing how she was more of a ‘bad-ass’ type, but also thought that it really suited her.

"Thanks," they said at the same time, Sasha's voice bright and Annie's flat.

"Eh? Eren, aren't you going to take that tank top off? It'll be pretty uncomfortable on the slides.  Sometimes they make you take it off anyway," Connie noted as I closed my locker.

"Uh…” I rubbed my arm nervously.  “I’m not sure it's a good idea."

"You don't have to be embarrassed. We're all just in our suits. We won't make fun of you or anything."

I looked at Thomas and Connie, then to other guys I saw milling around the park. It was true that I was the only weirdo running around in the hot sun with a shirt still on. "Okay." I hesitated for a moment, then just pulled it off, like ripping off a Band-Aid.  I saw each one of their eyes widen at the sight of my marked up body, and I tensed up.

Thomas chuckled nervously, "Hey, Eren...your girlfriend is kind of crazy, right?" Connie elbowed him in the stomach.

"Yeah," I laughed back, blushing. "So, uh...what should we do first?"

Despite my anxieties, I actually had fun. We went on slides and in the wave pool, stopped for lunch, and then rode everything all over again. When we were ready for dinner, we decided to call it quits and changed back into our clothing. Annie and I were the first ones ready to leave.

"Eren."

"Annie," I smiled.

"I know your secret."

The expression dropped right off my face.  "W-what do you mean?"  No wonder she’d been staring at me all day.  But more than that, I wanted to know how she knew I spread my legs for money, or why she felt the need to confront me like this.  What was the point in bringing that shit up?  Just to lord it over me?

She didn't answer. Instead, Connie and Thomas showed up, closely followed by Sasha. "Is everyone ready to go?"  I nodded.  I’d do anything to avoid being alone with Annie Scary Face a second longer.

* * *

We ended up back at the shopping center we’d visited earlier to eat dinner and just walk around. I avoided Annie and let everyone else do the talking—mostly Sasha and Connie.   I was feeling too apprehensive to add anything to the conversation.  Thomas made a weak attempt at talking to me by asking if I had a Facebook account.  I didn’t, because as many protections as I could make on it, I’d learned from the drug dealers next door that if I wanted to remain anonymous, I shouldn’t use stuff like that at all.  I told him my parents forbade it, which was the closest thing to the truth I could say. Isabel and Furlan were my guardian angels, even if they were dope slingers.  They always looked out for me.

"Eren, does that sound good?"

"Huh?"  I’d been lost in thought, debating if I should let the couple know I was out and not to let anyone in my room.  More than once, someone had broken in while I was gone because they didn’t want to take no for an answer.

"Ice cream."

"Um, yeah. You guys can get some. I don't like sweets."

We sat at a table for a while, and I started to warm up again. Annie had started paying more attention to her phone than me, and Sasha had toned down the personal questions, so I felt like I could let my guard down a little more. Of course, the universe wasn't okay with that. Connie was suggesting we see a movie at the theater next door when it happened.

"Jaeger?"  I froze—I separated what little personal life I had from the rest of it by only telling clients my name was Jaeger and only telling others my name was Eren.  One name only, like Cher.  "It really is you," he said, putting a hand on my shoulder, and I turned around, dreading who I would see. "I stopped by to see you earlier, but you weren't home." It was the guy. The young one who the Corporal had asked me to keep an eye out for. He was smiling that pretty, evil smile, and I knew what he was thinking.

"Uh, hey." I swallowed hard, nervous that the situation was all too obvious to my new friends.  And if it wasn’t yet, I had to keep it from becoming so.

"Are these your friends?" His hand started to creep from my shoulder down my back.

"Y-yeah.”  I really just wanted him to go, and sat up a little straighter.  “Look, um, I'm sorry I wasn't in earlier."  He took his hand off of my back. "Could we catch up tomorrow?"

"I was hoping you'd be in tonight, actually," he said, and his voice was lower in pitch, and he ran his hand through my hair. I turned bright red and cleared my throat.  Okay, they all definitely noticed now that something was off.

"Uh, yeah. Right. Could you just give me a minute?"

He nodded and winked at me. "Sure. It was nice meeting you guys. Take good care of him." He walked off enough to give us a little privacy—not that it mattered at that point.

"Eren? Who is that creep? Are you all right?" Thomas looked really concerned. I noticed that Sasha looked shocked, Connie looked like he was ready to defend my honor, and Annie just continued to spoon tiny bits of ice cream into her stupid mouth like this was some kind of show.

I cleared my throat again. _Fuck, fuck, fuck_.  "Yeah, I'm fine. He's just this guy I know."  Was that worse, or better?  They were probably putting two and two together.  He was kind of obvious about it, and after showing off all my bruises and hickeys and cuts at the water park, well...at the very least, they’d know I was fucking that guy.  I guess it was better having them think something was wrong than knowing I did it voluntarily for three hundred bucks with whoever wanted it.  The lucky thing about being an underage male was that it was easy to cash in on—most of the time, I could milk them for even more.  It wasn’t like I didn’t need the money—that stinky fucker who owned the hotel made me pay so much because I was too young to be there.

Connie asked, "You want us to stick with you? You can stay over at my house.”

Oh, God.  Maybe them thinking I was in trouble was worse after all.  Would they want to get police involved?  "Um...no, thanks. Really. It's cool. So, uh...thanks for today, but I've got to go. I'll take a rain check on that movie?" I stood up nervously and almost forgot my knapsack.  I didn’t want them to see me as a victim.  I was doing fine on my own, and police wouldn’t make it any better.  "S-see you guys."

I'm sure they saw when the guy squeezed my ass on the way out of the shopping center, and I decided that I'd never hang out with them again. Friends just weren't a thing I could have.


	4. Betrayal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Feeling pressured by Ian and anxious to get away from the curious stares of the people he'd hoped to call friends, Eren accompanies Ian back to his home. When he slowly begins to realize that Ian has no intention of letting him leave, he attempts to contact the Corporal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't own Attack on Titan.
> 
> Chapter Warnings: Torture, violence, choking, knife play, humiliation
> 
> This chapter is graphic. Please read at your own discretion. Skip the chapter if you need to; it will be summarized at the beginning of the next chapter for you.

He drove a red Dodge Charger with the license plate 035—

"Jaeger." He was holding the passenger side door open for me ‘like a gentleman.’

"Thanks," I smiled, getting into the car. Well, it was only a little bit of information, but at least I had something to give to the Corporal. I had the feeling that he wasn't planning on taking me back to my little hotel room. As the guy got in and started the car, I pulled my phone out to text the Corporal, but blondie put his hand on mine.

"I think you're on my time, now. Can't that person wait?"

I laughed nervously. "Sorry. I was just telling my friends not to worry about me getting home tonight."

"Didn't you just tell them?" His voice was sweet and murderous. "Why don't I hold onto that for you?"

 _Shit_.  I bit my lip. "If you think that's really necessary..."

He snatched it from my hands. "I know how teenagers get with texting. Don't worry. It'll be safe with me."

I nodded.  Something didn’t feel right.   "By the way, I don't think you told me your name."

"Hah. I'm sorry. That was rude, right? You can call me Ian."

This definitely wasn’t right.  Something bad was going to happen.  "Ian...I like that."  Why didn’t he just screw me in the back of his car behind the dumpsters like everyone else?

"Good." He grabbed my knee instead of the gear shift. "I think you're going to have a nice time tonight."

"Oh?" I picked up his hand and put it back on the stick. "But, Ian, my job is to make sure _you_ are having fun."

"Don't worry. I know I'm going to enjoy myself either way."

That sounded fucking menacing.   _Corporal, save me!_ I started to get seriously scared. At least in my hotel room, they'd just do me and leave, and if things went south, Furlan and Isabel came to my rescue and took care of me.  They always let me sleep with them if a bad client left me bleeding or I’d just had too many in one day.  When someone didn’t want to leave or gave me trouble, they defended me.  I could always count on them when it got bad.

But here, alone with Ian...I felt it deep down.  Getting in the car with him was a mistake.  I should have made him meet me at the hotel.  I didn't like unknowns, and we weren't heading the direction back to my place. I tried really hard to pay attention to where we were going, but he was speeding a little. The freeway. Val Vista. Church to the left. We went straight for a long time; seven streets passed on the right. Then we turned right. Right. Skip a street, turn right. We ended up in a cul-de-sac, so I assumed that was the end of the journey.

"Whoa. These are some serious houses," I said absentmindedly. They were huge and elegant, with manicured gardens like the ones you see on TV.

He chuckled. "Like it? It's pretty nice on the inside, too."

I blushed. It was hard not to be impressed, but I couldn't afford to let my guard down again. "I'm jealous."

"Wait until you see my bed."

I swallowed hard. "Y-yeah."  He wasn't kidding when he said it would be nice inside. Every single room was a magazine cover—not pristine, it looked like people lived there, but like it was staged.  Not natural.  It felt like a stupid thought, I wondered if he even lived in the house, or if it was just for show.

"This way." He took my hand and led me back through the house to the master bedroom, which had a lead to a patio with a view of the backyard and pool.  I headed straight for the glass doors to look outside.

"Wow," I breathed, pressed against the glass like a kid outside of a toy store. "Imagine the great soccer games you could play there."

"I was thinking of a different game," he whispered into my ear, his hands on my hips.  I hate when they breathe all over me.  It’s disgusting.

I put my hands over his and tried to hide my revulsion. "I like games," I said, leaning into his touch. Maybe if I acted really well, he'd be satisfied and let me go home.

"Why don't you go clean up in the bathroom?" He turned me around and pointed out the door. "I have to get a few things together. Just take a shower and relax."  I nodded with a coy smile, heading over to the bathroom.  "And don't bother getting dressed. Just come out when you're ready. Use whatever you'd like."

The bathroom was bigger than my entire fucking hotel room, and it was like walking onto a spaceship.  There all the ultra modern fixtures and ridiculous crap I’d seen on HSN and QVC when daytime television really just sucked that badly.  There was a tub with jets and stuff and one of those awesome showers that makes it feel like it's raining, with lights and music and a bunch of unnecessary junk. I turned the hot water on (and it was actually hot!) and started to strip. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad, spending the night with him, if it meant I got to hang out here.

Then again, I was there to let some pervert pay me for a good time, so maybe not.  I rummaged around the cabinets and found a rubber bulb, which isn't made for what I was planning on using it for, but would do the trick.  The water felt amazing, and the soap smelled awesome, and I started to feel pretty good and relaxed. Even cleaning inside myself didn't make me feel as awkward as usual.  I stepped out and shivered a bit, then continued into the bedroom when I didn't notice any towels around.

"Ian, I'm...ready. Uh. What's all this?" I held my arms across my chest, my body breaking out in goosebumps, and watched him set some scary looking stuff down on a metal tray covered with a sheet of this blue fabric paper thing. Like I'd seen on hospital shows. Everything I know is from TV and books, but they usually weren't _that_ wrong.

Ian smiled at me, sitting there completely bare.  His dick was already standing proud and weeping.  "Feeling better?"  He patted a spot in the middle of the bed.  “Come, lie down here.”  The hairs on the back of my neck stood up, but I went over.  The bed was really big, with plush beige bedding that sucked me in as soon as I got on it. It was so comfortable I almost lost myself.

"Ian, what are you interested in tonight?" I asked hesitantly as he lowered himself down beside me.

"Mmm,” he moaned, avoiding my question.  His erection poked into my side as he ran a hand through my hair, and I had to do my best not to cringe.  “I couldn't stop thinking about you.  Ever since I met you, I knew you’d be perfect.”  His hand moved down my face and chest to stroke my stomach, and I shivered—not at all because of the cooling droplets of water that ran down from my hair.  “I’ve been imagining you right here in this spot.  And _fuck_ , you’re just as gorgeous as I remember."  He sat up and pushed my legs wide open with a wide, sinister smile.  He was always fucking smiling.  “I just want to admire you.  You’re a work of art.”  He spread my ass cheeks and licked his lips.  “Let me look for a bit.”

My throat and mouth felt dry. "Aren't we going to have sex?"  He looked all ready to go, and I really wanted to get it over with and go home.

“Sure.  But let’s not rush it.”  He leaned over and pressed his tongue to my hole, leaving a huge glob of spit behind.  He sighed and groaned, and my stomach clenched.  “I bet you’re really tight today.  It doesn’t even look like I’ll fit.”  He rubbed at my entrance with his thumb.  “Hold this open for me?”

I took in a shallow breath and nodded, holding my cheeks apart for him.  He really creeped me out.  “We can use toys if you want.  Whatever you like.”  I wasn’t a stranger to things like that.

“What I like?”  He cocked his head to the side.  “I like that pretty little neck.”  He breathed in deeply as he ran his hands up my body and circled them around my neck.  “You’re so warm and so smooth.”  He leaned in close and nuzzled my neck, keeping a tight hold on it with one hand as he brought the other back down to circle my rim.  “You smell lovely.”  His tongue flicked out and I flinched.  He responded with a chuckle.  “You taste as sweet as I thought.”  He stared at me for what felt like a solid minute.  “God, you’re so pretty, Jaeger.”

I tilted my head up and spread my legs further.  I didn’t like being talked to like that.  I wanted to skip ahead.  “I’m yours,” I said in a low tone, pressing my asshole into his finger.  “Do what you want with me.”

"What a good boy," he grinned.  That phrase still makes me shiver.  “I want to do something very nice for you.”  He climbed off the bed and walked over to a chest at the foot of the bed, opened it, and rummaged around for something.  Maybe he _would_ get a toy.  It had been a while since I’d been played with with a vibrator, and those actually felt good.  When he came back over though, I noticed that in his hands he held chains. Handcuffs. "I'm going to need you to relax, and hold still, though."

Getting tied up has forever been one of my worst fears. "A-Are the handcuffs really necessary?"  I sat up, but he pushed me back down.

"It's okay. If you're good, we can take them off."

I put my hand over his, my heart beating out of my chest.  "What if I promise?"

"I just can't take your word for it. But it won't be long." I stared at him for a moment, begging him not to, but he closed a cuff around one of my wrists.  I tried to catch my breath and didn’t fight as he wrapped the chain through a hook in the wall—I realized that this was probably exactly what it was there for—and cuffed my other wrist.  I wanted to cry.  How many other boys had he chained up here?  Was that really my destiny?

“Oh...eh.”  My word turned into a pathetic whimper, and Ian bit his lower lip happily.

“There’s a good boy.”  He methodically pulled on some latex gloves before straddling me.  His erection lay against my very flaccid penis, and it took everything within me not to buck him off. "Now, close your eyes." Reluctantly, I followed that order too. "Open your mouth."

I opened my mouth wide, not sure of what to expect.  It certainly surprised me when he grabbed a hold of my tongue with what felt like tongs and pulled it out.  I managed to keep my eyes closed like he’d asked, and although it was uncomfortable, it wasn't any worse than the feeling of lying in the bed that grew increasingly wet from my shower, and if that was what got him off, I wasn’t complaining.

And then I felt pain.  I grunted and my eyes flew open. "Ah-ah-ah,” he scolded me.  “If you move too much, Jaeger, you'll hurt yourself." Tears welled up in my eyes, but I stopped trying to buck him off. I saw the metal tray I’d forgotten all about sitting next to him on the bed, and could make out what was on it. Needles and plain, silver jewelry, among some other things. He...he was piercing me. What kind of sick fuck does that?

"I'm trained, and I know what I'm doing, if that's what you're wondering."  It wasn’t.  He smiled sadistically. "Once the pain of the piercing is over, you'll be fine. So keep calm." He put the barbell through my tongue and let me put it back in my mouth. "How does it feel?"

I rubbed my tongue around a little. Truthfully, only the moment when the needle went through was painful.  Now that it was over, it just felt foreign—the sensation wasn’t really pain so much as that tingly feeling you get after burning your tongue. I could taste the blood, and already my tongue started to swell, but it wasn’t terrible.  "Ish ar right."  So, the letters s and l were out of the picture.

He laughed. "Cold things will keep the swelling down. Ice, popsicles, you know. The lisp will go away."

I nodded. "All done?"  I was dying to get out of the cuffs.  He’d closed them tightly, and I couldn’t help but fight against them.

"Not quite."  He put his hand on the back of my head, holding it up, and pressed a little Dixie cup to my lips.  “Swish.”  I did as I was told, and instead of giving the cup back for me to spit into, he pressed his lips to mine.  He coaxed my mouth open and swallowed everything down, stroking my hair and giving me a smile as he sat back up.

I leaned back and started to relax as he turned back to his tray.  I could make the piercing work.  I certainly didn’t think my customers would complain.  “So, can I get out of these?” I said, pulling my wrists and clinking the chains around.

He turned back to me with what looked like an alcohol pad.  “I’m not so sure you’ll stay still.”  He pressed the cold pad to one of my nipples and I went right back to full alert mode, stiffening with fear.  

I swallowed hard and tried to catch my breath.  “Ian, what’re you doing?”

“I told you before.  We’re not quite done here.”  It seemed like I was beginning to irritate him.

Piercing my nipples was really painful, but at least he made quick work of it.  I worried that he’d draw it out if it made him hot, but the part he seemed to like even more was cleaning the blood from them and admiring his handiwork.  He ran a finger down the very middle of my chest and moaned quietly.  I could feel his hard-on twitch against my stomach, where he still sat.  “You’re fucking gorgeous.”

I blushed.  “Please,” I said, my voice breaking, “we can get them off now, right?”

He got off of me and instead sat beside me with that same sneer.  “It’s just one more, sweetie.  Then I’ll take them off.”  He got another alcohol pad, this time wiping around my navel.

“No, please—I don’t like this.”  

He flashed a scowl before that damn smile settled back on his face.  He circled one of my pecs with a finger.  “Jaeger, I’ve been dreaming about this night for a long time.”  What the hell did that mean?  I’d only met him a few days ago.  “I want it to go just the way I’ve planned.”  Suddenly, he shoved two or three fingers roughly up my ass, and I cried out in pain.  “Do you wanna just skip to this?”  He thrusted them out and in again, bringing tears to my eyes.  It was just hot, painful friction—I wasn’t about to say he could force his dick in after that.

“O-okay,” I gasped.  “Whatever you want.  No skipping.”  There were a handful of times in my life I’d been fucked completely unprepared, and I did my damndest to forget them—to bury that pain.  I hated being restrained, and every second I spent in the cuffs set my teeth on edge, but nothing else could possibly be as horrible as that night in the basement.

He took his fingers out and pulled off the glove on that hand.  “See? I knew you’d come around.”  He replaced that glove with a snap and set to work on my belly button—although honestly, it didn’t hurt that much either—and, like before, he quickly replaced the needle with jewelry and lovingly wiped my blood away from it.  “You’re all done,” he said softly, placing a kiss in the place where my pubes would be if I didn’t shave everything off almost every day.

I tried to ask him again to remove the restraints, but all that came out was another sad whimper.  He chuckled and licked the few tears I shed about it off of my cheeks.  I was shaking, and he repositioned me on the bed, opening my legs as wide as they could go.  “Stay right here like that,” he said.  “If you’re a good boy, then you’ll be rewarded.”

* * *

"Aah. Hah, ah. I-Ian. Ian—" He choked off my moans by tightening the collar he’d buckled around my neck, holding on to the leash with his right hand.  He had three fingers in me from his left hand, stretching and rubbing and making me blush. He hadn’t uncuffed me yet.  He’d disappeared after piercing me, leaving me in that embarrassing position, but I didn’t dare close my legs.  If he liked to hurt me for fun, then I wasn’t interested in being punished.

"Do you like it, Jaeger?" he asked, loosening the leash again so that I could answer.

"Uh-huh." It wasn't hard to lie. It felt good, physically, to my body. But I hated that he was the one doing it.  It made my stomach turn.

"Are you ready for more?"

"Y-yeah."

"I won't give it to you," he said, suddenly stopping and leaving me like that. "I don't want you to get too spoiled."

I groaned.  “Ian, _please._  I’m so hard.”  He tightened the leash even more, and I gasped for air, my nose plugging up with mucus.

“You can endure it, can’t you?  It’s no good to be so wanton.” He hovered above me, not touching any part of me.  “Besides,” he continued, wrapping his hand around his cock, “you look so pretty like this.  You make a pretty face when you’re in pain.”  

I tried to take as deep breaths as I could while he moaned and panted in my ear, stroking himself.  Still, he didn’t touch me.  I ached; I _had_ to get off.  I bucked my hips up toward him, earning myself a hard slap across the face.  

“You don’t want to do that,” he said darkly, moaning.  “You don’t want to disobey me, Jaeger.”  He bit his lip as he pressed his thumb against one of my tender nipples and gasped as my face screwed up in pain.  “If you’re a good boy, I’ll fuck you hard.”  He pressed harder and I cried out.  “Tell me you’ll be a good boy.”

“I—I’ll be a good boy.”  I didn’t move a muscle after that.  “Please.  I’ll be a good boy.”  

He licked his lips and drooled onto my collarbone.  “Tell me how good you are.”

My mouth felt so dry.  Licking my lips did nothing except turn him on more.  “I’m a very good little boy.”  I tried my best to fight off crying.  It was hard to swallow.

He laughed.  “Tell me more.  Tell me what good little boys do.” Even as he pinched and prodded me painfully to get my reactions, I held still and did what he wanted.  I suddenly didn’t care much about getting off and just wanted to make sure he did.

“Good boys are obedient.  Good boys…”  I wasn’t sure what to say.  “Good boys are...pretty?”

“Yes, they are.”  He undid the leash around my neck and stroked the marks it left behind.  “How else can you be good?”

I tried to think of things the guys normally asked to hear.  “I can be a greedy slut.”

“Good.”  He picked up my legs so that they were vertical and seated himself between my thighs, thrusting between them at an agonizingly slow pace and taking care not to rub on my dick.

“I-I can be a tight, hot, screaming whore.”

“Oh, _good_.”

“I can beg for you to fuck me hard.”  Each sentence was met with another moan from Ian, and my voice grew weaker and more clouded with emotion.  “I can tell you how much I love your huge cock.  I can show you how needy my asshole gets.  I can...I can…”

He squeezed my nipple again and I whimpered.  He smeared the couple of fresh droplets of blood around and folded my legs over more, so that when he thrusted, his dick poked me in the stomach and left pearls of pre-cum behind.  “What can my beautiful boy do?”

I wanted to die.  Ian wasn’t just another one of my guys, and I realized what it was he really wanted to hear.  My voice broke.  “I...I can take the pain.”

“ _Yes._ ”  I felt his cock twitch between my thighs. He sighed happily and bent my legs over so that his erection slid against my semi.  “Tell me what a good boy likes.”

“A good boy likes to be choked.”  I started saying it faster and faster as he thrusted between my thighs, rubbing against me; by that point I was practically sobbing anyway.  “A good boy likes to be hurt.  A good boy likes to be fucked.  A good boy likes to be filthy.  A good boy likes to be sore.  A good boy likes to be used.  A good boy likes—”  My words were cut off as he choked me again, harder than he ever had, so hard that I couldn’t breathe and that the edges of my vision blurred.   I felt his cum splatter across my stomach and swallowed down revulsion.

“Jaeger.”  He smeared his jizz around my abs.  “You’re so pretty, Jaeger,” he panted.  “Fuck, what a good, pretty boy.”

* * *

 “Argh!” I gasped sharply; my eyes flew open.  I was exhausted and desperately thirsty.  I'd been with Ian for almost four hours, and there was no end in sight. He would come into the room, do something really crazy, and then leave, like nothing had happened. He'd done this over and over again, and every single time it hurt. He’d play with me but stop right when I was about to climax. If I tried to get off, he'd choke me and smack me around. He got bored of using his fingers, but never once used his dick, instead fucking me roughly with increasingly less phallic-shaped objects from around the room, like an unpleasantly-shaped bottle of perfume, the bristle-end of a hairbrush, and the little man on the end of a trophy.  He thankfully stopped once I’d started to bleed, saying that he didn’t want to ‘ruin my cunt.’  On top of it all, every time Ian caught me falling asleep, he would carve a deep tally mark into the flesh under my collarbone.  

“Number six, darling.”  He licked blood off the knife and ran his finger through the fresh blood trail on my chest.   “When will you learn?”  He leaned over to lick my wounds.  “Or, do you like it?”

I couldn’t act anymore.  I let out a sob, and he positioned himself so that the head of his penis was pressed in the hollow of my neck between my collarbones.  “Please,” I stuttered.  “I can’t anymore.”  I grasped at him weakly, and he took one of my hands, bringing it to his lips.  He placed the knife in my other hand.

“Do you want to hurt me?”  He held my hand to his cheek.  “Should I bleed for you the way you’ve bled for me?”

I felt sick all over again.  “Is that what you want?”

He smiled.  “Give me one little cut here.”  He brought my knife-wielding hand to his hip and touched the blade to his skin.  “Get me going.”

My hands shook and hesitated.  He shushed me as I whimpered.  I brought my hand down.  “Can’t,” I sniveled.

“Come on, sweetie.”  He grabbed his dick and slapped it repeatedly against my neck and chin.  “Make me hard.”  I tilted my head up more so that he got more of my neck like he probably wanted, and honestly I didn’t want that thing hitting me in the face anymore.  “There you go, come on.”

“Is that what you want,” I repeated quietly, bringing my hand back up to make a shallow cut in his hip.

He laughed.  “It barely bled.”  He pressed his tip into the hollow under my jaw and stroked himself steadily.  “You can do better than that.”

“Is that what good boys do,” I whispered, my hands trembling the entire time.  I made another shallow cut at the top of his thigh.  He encouraged me to keep going, so I did.  Another slash, another one, one more, harder and deeper each time.  

“Jaeger,” he growled, resetting his hips further down so he could grind his cock against my sternum.  “You’re so pretty when you kill me.”  His hands wrapped around my bruised neck, and he’d done it so many times that even this loose grip was unbearable.

“Yeah.”  The knife fell from my hand, and I grabbed onto his hips, encouraging him to move faster.  Those were the words I’d been looking for.  “Ian, kill me.”

He laughed, and his hands tightened around my throat.  “You’re really taking this to heart, aren’t you?”  He squeezed tighter.

My nails dug into his legs.  My vision started to blur.  “Not afraid,” I squeaked out.  “Anymore.”

He licked lips and moaned gratefully, choking me so hard that he started to shake.  “I was right,” he panted, thrusting and rubbing against me faster and faster.  “You’re perfect.”  Right before I blacked out, he let go.  As my lungs heaved for air, I felt him shoot his load on my neck and chin.  “You’re the one.”

* * *

 

After Ian apparently decided that I was the perfect one for him, he cuffed my hands in front of me and left me on the bed.  I debated running out through the patio door, but I had no energy, and honestly, I’d already done the whole ‘running-away-screaming-from-a-rape’ thing in my life once, and this time I was naked and handcuffed.  No thanks.  What I really wanted to do was cry and pass out, even if it earned me another tally mark, but he wasn’t gone for a long interval like he’d been doing all night.  No, this time he came right back and _branded_ my left hip— _branded me like I was his prized cow—_ and told me to rest my eyes because we had a big night ahead of us.  The moment he left the room again, I knew I didn't have much time. I needed to contact the Corporal. _Desperately._

Every movement was agony, but I rolled off the bed and landed on my ass, then crawled over to where Ian’s pants were discarded on the floor. My phone was still in the front pocket, and after some careful maneuvering, I was able to pull it out. I could have sent him a text, but time was of the essence. I would have rather gotten caught chatting on the phone than not get the message across at all.

"Jaeger?"   I was so happy, I could have cried.

"Corporal!"  My voice was gravelly from crying and choking, and speaking hurt something fierce, but I had to tell him as much as possible if I wanted to be saved.  Ian didn't seem to be interested in letting me go anytime soon, and I didn't think I could take any more. "He...he came to see me again. Ian."

"Dietrich? I'll be right there."

"N-no—wait! Not there. He brought me somewhere…Corporal..." It suddenly hit me that I still didn't know Ian's plans for me. All I could think of was my stifling nine month captivity five years ago, and it was enough to paralyze me with fear. I could never go back to that, even if this house was nicer.  Even more than the crazy sadistic shit he’d done to me, the thought of being without freedom was enough to make me want to drown myself in the bathtub.

"Jaeger, I can't really hear you." He sounded really impatient, but I couldn't bring myself to say anything. "Speak up," he demanded. “What’s wrong with your voice?”

I could barely choke the word out. My tongue was heavy in my mouth; I lisped and slurred all over my words.  "C-corporal." I didn't mean to cry, but I couldn't contain the fear.

His voice softened. "Are you hurt?"  I wanted to say yes.  I wanted to tell him how badly I needed to be saved, but I didn’t know if he cared about that more than catching his bounty.

"Ah—fine. Fine. Uh...Mesa Grand." I tried to be clear, but my mind was falling apart, and I was crying, and my damn tongue—and my backside started to throb in pain, and I couldn't concentrate, and I wanted him to hear me, but I couldn't speak too loudly. I sobbed. "Shopping center.”  I paused to try and pull myself together.  When I spoke slower, I was able to speak more clearly.  “Superstition and Val Vista...ugh. All I ‘member."

I heard the rustling of paper. "Are these directions?" A pause. "Damn it, Jaeger. Isn't there anything else you remember?"

I whimpered. "I'm _trying_." I closed my eyes and concentrated. "A cul-de-sac. The house is on a cul-de-sac."

He huffed, "That fucking doesn't help if I can't get there."

"Argh...uh," I tried to keep from hyperventilating, tried to force my brain to remember. "Red Charger. License plate...035—no wait, 045 something? Not sure."

"Jaeger..." He sighed heavily.

"’Kay, ’kay, look. Uh...ugh. Um...church. Church on the left. Then...six, seven...eight? streets to the right. Turn right. Turn right. Skip one. Turn right. The car."

"Is that all?"

"I...I can't...I can't remember." My chest felt tight.

"I...I guess that will do. Thanks."

"Corporal?" My voice was about to give out. "Hurry."

He hung up and I sighed in relief, only a little. He was going to try to get me. Things weren't hopeless.

"Eren, what are you doing?" I turned my head over to see the source of the female voice. "You know, I'm allowed to hurt you if you do stupid things."

My eyes widened.  "Annie?"  


	5. Same Old Trip

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren follows Ian Dietrich back to his house, where he is chained to the bed and tortured. Ian pierces his tongue, nipples, and belly button before choking him, cutting him, and raping him. After Dietrich decides to make Eren his pet and marks him with a brand, Eren fears the worst and calls The Corporal. The moment he's hopeful he might be saved, however, he's caught on the phone by Annie, who says she's allowed to punish him for being disobedient.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't own SnK.
> 
> Chapter Warnings: Drug/Alcohol use, Rape, Humiliation
> 
> This chapter is graphic. Please read at your own discretion. Skip the chapter if you need to; it will be summarized at the beginning of the next chapter for you.

"Annie...what are you doing here?"

“Ian’s my brother,” she replied matter-of-factly.  “He has my loyalty."

Everything started to fall into place.  "So...you knew. The whole time.  You called him there."  An apology came out of her mouth, but her face remained indifferent.  I couldn’t help but roll my eyes at it, even in that position.  "Yeah," I spat as I tried and failed to push myself up to my knees.

"Don't hurt yourself, Eren." She came over and pulled me up. I blushed like mad, and she made a clear effort not to stare. "I'm...just doing what I have to."

I understood the feeling, but that didn't mean I had to like it. “Why did you say something at the water park?” She didn’t respond to that, or even look at me for that matter. “Just to taunt me?” I added, not able to hide even the smallest bit how hurt I felt.

“I wanted to try and warn you not to see him again,” she muttered, putting the collar and leash Ian had used earlier back around my neck.

“What changed your mind?” I scoffed. She didn’t say anything to that either, and just pulled on my leash. I didn’t budge. "What happens now?"

"I don't know. I just do what I'm told." 

"Annie...if you know, just tell me.”

She pulled again, harder, so that I had to stumble forward. "Pets need to behave, or they get punished at the party." I blanched. I'd heard enough about pet parties to know that I never wanted to be at one. Pets belong to everyone but themselves, and I strongly valued belonging to only myself.

I lost all semblance of control, begging and screaming. "Annie, no, Annie, please! Don't do this; I'm a whore, _not an animal!_ I can't take any more games. Please, please, please please please pleaseplease _please_..."

“Stop, Eren.”  She wouldn't look at me, dragging me alongside her out of the room. I couldn't even bring myself to fight back at that point. The dread and fear attacked me like thousands of pins and needles. "My job is to get you ready for the party. It's starting soon, and it's a bad idea to be late." I accepted my fate, letting tears run shamelessly down my face. With any luck, the Corporal would arrive and save my ass (quite literally!) before too long.

We came to another bedroom where she told me to sit on the bed, and finally, my handcuffs were removed.  She had a first aid kit waiting already, and before anything else, she opened a bottle of pills.  “Oxy,” she explained, “for the pain.”  I didn’t hesitate one bit in taking the painkillers and shamelessly gulped down the entire bottle of water she handed me.  She continued on, carefully cleaning the blood from my aching wrists and cuts and piercings with salt water—I figured that out when she had me swish some around my mouth.  She finished by putting ointment and gauze on the heart-shaped burn (in a place I didn't like her being) after dumping alcohol over it. She didn't seem to care one bit that it caused me pain, but she didn't linger, either.

She wordlessly handed me a damp towel and left the room to give me a little privacy.  I gingerly cleaned up the rest of the blood from my chest and between my legs, then lay back on the bed.  I folded the towel so that the blood was on the inside and wrapped it around my bruised throat to try and soothe the soreness.

When she came back, she had an outfit for me to change into, although I didn't really consider it clothing at all. It consisted only of thin black shorts that were basically underwear, a pair of black, buckled arm warmers, and a new dog collar with studs and everything. When I finished, she nodded, replaced the leash, and herded me along with a firm tug. I registered music playing, but mostly just the beat until we descended into the dark basement.

This entire night was just a fucking throwback to my childhood captivity.

It was like a strange, hellish rave: the music was this harsh techno music with screaming vocals, and there were black lights and even fog machines. The more I looked around, the more I realized it was just a weird, horrible orgy. I saw people using drugs and drinking and engaging in more sex acts than even _I_ wanted to know existed. Owners wore Gothic, aristocratic clothing and ornate masquerade masks while their pets wore about the same as me, or less. I had to swallow down stomach acid.  People shared their pets and simultaneously took on three or four or more lovers, and it didn't seem to matter who was a man or woman or something in between. Pets came in every shape, size, color and age. I wanted to drop dead on the spot.

"Do you like what you see?" Annie had disappeared, replaced by Ian.

I tried to play up a feeling of innocence, so that it looked less like fear and nausea and hate.  "I've never done anything like this before. My short-lived prostitution has been more...vanilla, than this." I wasn't even lying.

"I think you're ready," he said into my ear, squeezing my injured hip.

I winced.  "I...I'll give it a try." I even gave a cute little smile and a nervous blush. He was definitely into my act.  With any luck, he’d go easy on me for my first time.

"Everyone." Somehow, he managed to command the room's attention, even through all the activity and music. "Welcome, and thank you for attending tonight's events. I'd like to introduce you all to my new pet." There were cat calls and wolf whistles. I took the opportunity to really milk it, letting myself look as nervous as I felt. "This is his first party, so please show him a good time. Now, say hello, Jaeger."

I nodded.  "Please take care of me."

I heard someone call out "I'll take care of you," and that was the only comment I care to share with you.

"I think maybe I should show you all how obedient he is. Right?" Cheering again. I cringed as Ian pushed down on my shoulder and took it to mean 'get on your knees.' I sat on my heels with his crotch in my face, ignoring the dull aches that radiated throughout my body, and thought about how annoyingly stupid their costumes were. Why wear such complicated clothing if you're just going to take it off?

He threaded his hand through my hair and pulled my head back painfully, so that my eyes watered. "Jaeger, do you like candy?"

Not at all. "Yes."

"Would you like a lollipop?" I can't believe people laughed at that. Seriously? At least be original.

"What flavor?" I asked cutely.

"Peach."

Fucking jerk. I fucking _love_ peaches.  So I looked him right in the eye and said, my voice husky, "that's my _favorite_." He bit his lip, handing me the flavored condom, and I couldn't help but feel a little victorious. After a little struggling, his erection sprang free from his pants and I gasped a little.  "You...it's pierced there."

He chuckled. "I didn't want to make you nervous, so I haven't been wearing it. Is it okay?" I nodded, but if anything, it added to my disgust.  As I rolled the condom down his shaft, he added, "it's too bad. The piercing would make you feel really nice if we didn't have to use the condom."

Gross, gross, _gross_. "Maybe next time," I muttered before relaxing my throat and taking him all the way in my mouth. No teasing. I just wanted to get it over with.

The peach flavor wasn't really bad, and I bobbed my head up and down his length a few times before he pulled my hair and panted, "see what I mean? He's eager to please, and he's greedy." I flicked my tongue out at his tip. Apparently it was as amusing in execution as it was in my head.  "Want more?" he said, and although I wanted to retch, I parted my lips and accepted him again. I really suck at giving head, but it didn’t matter much.  He just wanted to fuck my mouth, so I didn’t even have to do much work.

After he came, he let me go, and I tried to make myself scarce, retreating to a corner of the room where I could rest against the wall.  I wasn’t completely sure how I was still standing.  A lot of my energy was adrenaline, and it was running low.  I watched as another few pets were presented in the middle of the room in a similar fashion. People started picking out new partners, and a blond-haired pet pulled me aside.

"Is this really your first party, kid?" He had a nice, kind face, or maybe it used to smile kindly and sweetly at people before he ended up here. I nodded, and he looked a little sad. "How long have you been a pet?"

"Uh...a few hours?"

His eyes widened a little. "Are...you're not a virgin, are you?"

"Course not." My face flushed a little.  “You just watched me get mouth-fucked in the middle of the room.”

“Right,” he sighed. "It's just that you look so young. I mean...I'm sorry."

"It's fine," I shrugged.  Sorry didn’t help either of us.

"Have you got a brand?" I cocked my head to the side before it occurred to me what he meant.

"This?" I pulled the hem of my shorts down a little on my left so he could see the gauze covering the heart-shaped burn mark.

"Don’t take it off," he said.  “It’ll scar worse if you mess with it like I did.”  He showed me his, in the same spot, but his was a geometric rose. "It shows who you belong to.  Everyone has one."

I bit my lip nervously.  "You know, I don't really know anything about being a pet other than...that you never want to end up one."

“You can say that again,” he chuckled darkly. "Look, you’ll get through this night.  Just...bow when you're addressed, and when you're dismissed. Use 'Miss' and 'Sir,' and be polite, and meek. Never defiant."

This might have been the only night I was capable of submission. "Anything else?"

"Only do what you're instructed to do. Don't approach anyone. Let them come to you. The fact that we're socializing...once we start servicing them, we can't talk to each other anymore. The only reason I can do this now is because you're new, and everyone's still pregaming."

I raised an eyebrow.  "Pregaming?"

"You know, people are still showing up, having drinks, deciding who they want. Once all that's over, we can't do anything unless we're instructed to."  I swallowed hard. I really wasn't excited at all.  We looked at each other for a few moments, then he reached into a little pocket I didn't notice he had. "Here. You're going to want some of this." He pressed two pink, heart-shaped tablets into my hand.

"What is that?"  I asked warily.

"It's for the nerves. Trust me, it'll make this whole night go way better." I hesitated, but took them.  I didn't really have much to lose.

"Now what?"

"Those will take a good while to kick in, and those people won't bother us as long as we're getting geared up. It starts to get old, fucking people who don't want to, so they like to get us drunk and drugged up enough to be into it.”  he spoke simply, as if he were a manager training a newbie; as if it were routine.  The more I thought about it, the more it started to sink in that for him, this _was_ routine.  There were people who were used to this, who lived their daily lives like this.  And here I’d thought that it was bad enough to be used to hooking.  “ If you want, we can drink a little to get started."

"Huh?”  I hadn’t been paying attention, and it took my brain a second to catch up.  “Y-yeah, okay."  I briefly thought of the painkillers Annie had given me and wondered if this was a bad idea.  In the end, I figured that if mixing all this shit killed me, at least I wouldn’t be at this fucking party anymore.  He helped me over to the other side of the surprisingly large and labyrinthian basement, where there was a bar, and everyone helped themselves to whatever they liked. "I've never had a drink before," I admitted.

"We'll start small, then." I pounded down three shots of whatever he put in front of me before it started to get difficult to find my mouth, and he laughed a little. "Maybe that's enough?"

"Yeah." My face felt hot, and I laughed. My mind felt fuzzy already. "Yeah."  I took a step forward and stumbled, and he had to catch me.

"Take it easy. Make sure you drink lots of water. It's really easy to get dangerously dehydrated at these things, and those pills can make you overheat. People have died for both reasons."

My eyes widened. "People...people die at these parties?"  Even though the thought had already crossed my mind, it was different to hear that it was actually true.

He didn't look me in the eye. "Not so much anymore. But yeah, it's not too rare. Drug overdose, side effects, bad reactions, alcohol poisoning, you name it. Even the sex...people who choke each other and hit each other for pleasure...it gets out of hand, sometimes."

My throat felt really dry. The anxiety I felt before was nothing compared to now, even with the help of the alcohol. "Thank you for helping me."

He nodded. "It's...you remind me of my friend Ivan. We...got caught up in this scene together about two years ago, and he died after six months. So, I just want to take care of you."

"Thanks," I said, and he pecked my cheek.  I don’t know how he supposed that telling me about his dead friend would make anything better.  Bile burned at the back of my throat.

"I'll get in trouble for touching you without permission later tonight, but...I couldn't help it."

I didn’t know how I was supposed to feel about that.  I opened my mouth to speak, but was interrupted by a voice.  "Dieter." We turned to see a woman in a crimson gown with long, black hair. Her smile was evil, like Ian's. My new friend bowed to her, so I followed suit. "I see you two have taken a liking to each other." I think she was trying to sound sexy, but to me it was just like she was constantly yawning. She touched my arm and I shivered. "It's Jaeger, right? Would you like spending a little time with my Dieter?"

I looked at him and he blushed. She was obviously his owner, and I wondered if he picked me out to play with from the start.  If that’s why he wanted to “help me.”  I wasn't sure if I should feel hurt or not. I looked back at the woman nervously and realized that she wasn't actually asking me. She just expected me to say yes.

"Thank you for allowing me, miss." I remembered to be polite and gave another little bow, and she laughed.

"You're very good. Has Dieter been teaching you how to be a proper young man?" She didn't wait for an answer before turning around and walking away. Dieter took me by the arm and led me along again.

"Jaeger, I'm sorry.”  He had to talk right into my ear, or I wouldn’t hear him over the music.  “I... _did_ pick you on purpose. That's what you were thinking, right?"

I looked up at him and pouted. "I had that kind of feeling. That you knew she'd want you to pick someone out, so I was your choice."

He grimaced.  "I wasn't doing it to mess with you or anything. I really meant it when I said you reminded me of my friend. I'm sorry if I hurt you, but it would be better if I were your first.”  He averted his eyes, as if he were ashamed.  “I'll be nice to you."

I tried to smile. "It’s fine."

Dieter's face got pink. "You don’t deserve this, Jaeger."

I hesitated for a second before saying, "Not Jaeger. Call me Eren."

Dieter sat me down on a not-so-comfortable couch next to the woman. "Go ahead," she said in her yawny voice, "you can do it. I just want to watch." That was great, because I didn't know the first thing about pleasing a woman.  The two or three I’d been with in my life basically did all the work themselves, the same as the men.

Dieter was as nice as he said he would be, and maybe in another life I could have enjoyed it. He touched me gently and didn’t mess with my wounds.  He kissed sweetly and didn't grunt like an animal when he was inside of me, just sort of panted softly. And if all I had to do was deal with the woman's disgusting moaning as she fingered herself watching us, then it really wasn't so bad.

By the time we finished, the drugs were starting to hit me, and I could barely sit up off the couch.  Everything was pretty and hazy, and I felt the bass of the music in my bones.  I just lay there while the woman asked Dieter to “finish her off” and watched his head disappear under her skirt.  Her gaze fell upon me, and her ugly o-face contorted into something disgusted.  “My pet serves only me,” she spat.  She leaned back into her chair and bit her lip.  “Go be someone’s hole somewhere else.”

It took all the strength I had left in my body to get back on my feet, but I bowed for her.  I heard the woman shout sternly over the music as I started to walk away, leaning on anything I could for stability.  It seemed like even doling out discipline was a public thing here.  "Do you like that boy? Do I have to teach you a lesson?" I cringed. I didn't want him to get hurt on my account.

"No, Miss Rose. I serve only you, Miss Rose."

I started to feel guilty.  I didn't want to hear the rest of that.

* * *

 

When whatever I’d taken kicked in full force, I started to feel good. _Really good._  My anxiety melted away.  My entire body felt hot, and everything was pretty and felt soft and smooth, and the music filled my ears in a pleasant way.  I barely remember anything from that night anymore, but from what memories remain, Miss Rose was right: a hole was exactly what I was.  I was constantly bounced around between guys, letting them touch me and suck me and _fuck me,_ and once I let the high take me away, it was _almost enjoyable_.  I had barely any energy or consciousness left.  I remember someone dropping me once they’d finished fucking me, and even as I lay on the floor, someone else got on top and rode me without a care, paying no mind to the fact that I wasn’t moving.

And then I started to feel _really_ hot, and I kept grinding my teeth.  Someone picked me up off the floor and propped me up against the wall, and I spread my legs, ready to take him.  "Eren, you don’t have to do that." It was Dieter.  He pushed my legs closed and put his hands on both sides of my face.  "Have you been drinking water like I told you? You don't look too good."

"Dieter, I thought we weren't allowed to do things like this." I got more worried about him than the fact that my entire sentence was slurred badly. "If you get punished, I won't forgive myself."

"Eren, I gave you the drugs that could kill you. So please, come with me." I nodded, and he pulled me toward the stairs, looking around uneasily. When we thought no one was really paying attention to us, we slipped upstairs and made for the kitchen.

"Here." He picked me up and sat me down on the counter before filling a glass from the tap.  “Drink up.”  I didn't realize I was thirsty until the liquid hit my tongue, and I gulped it down, coughing when some went down the wrong pipe. He rubbed my back, taking the glass from my hand.  “Slow down.  I’ll give you more.”  He returned the refilled glass to my hands, and I tried to drink more slowly this time.  "If you ask them for water, they'll give it to you. They're horrible, but it's also inconvenient for them if you die."

"Ah. I forgot," I panted. "I forgot that I needed to worry about that."

"It's fine. Drink another." He kept me drinking water until my stomach couldn't hold anymore, then turned back to me.

"Dieter? What’re you doing?" He put the fingers of his right hand into his mouth and tugged on my shorts with his left. "If we're gone too long, they'll definitely notice."

"I know," he said around his fingers, "but I can't help myself around you, Eren. You're really cute." He took his fingers out of his mouth and pulled at my shorts harder. As he did so, I lifted my butt up a little so they came off easily. "I want to see that face again. That one you made when I was inside of you."  His fingers pressed against my entrance and it sent electricity through my body. I moaned and rubbed myself against him.  His face was really red, and I could tell he was really aroused. "I just want to feel you again." He kissed me, hard, and when I closed my eyes it wasn't Dieter I was seeing anymore.

He slid his fingers inside of me and I pressed down on them like the slut that I was. "Oh, Corporal," I moaned.

"Corporal?" I realized my mistake and felt a little guilty. "Did Miss Rose tell you to call me that?" His fingers slowed down.

I grunted and pushed harder on his fingers, trying to distract him. "Mm...that's...that's good. More." He pulled me to the edge of the smooth, granite countertop for better access to my hole. He didn't press the matter of me calling him Corporal, and I continued to imagine Dieter as the short, dark haired man.

"Eren...it's so hot in there. I think if I go in it, I'll die."

I laughed a little deliriously. "I think if you go in me, I'll die." I felt seriously excited. "I really wanna do it. I really wanna fuck." The more I tried to talk, the more slurred and awful it got.

"Come here. Bend over the counter." I lost my balance a little when I got down, and he grabbed my waist with a smile. I let out an embarrassed laugh, then let him push me so that my chest was pressed against the cold granite. It felt amazing on my overheated skin.

"Wait," I said when I felt his dick press against me. "We shouldn't do it without protection. I mean...we do it with so many people."

He whined, the frustration apparent in his voice. "I know that you're right, but it’s not like I have a condom."

"I do," said a voice that turned my stomach to hear, and we whirled around to see Ian standing next to Miss Rose. Their mouths stretched into sinister grins and their eyes looked murderous.

"I think that we should remind them just who they belong to," she said, the obnoxious yawning sound of her voice replaced by something far more frightening.

Dieter stood in front of me protectively, but that just made Ian laugh lowly. "Jaeger. I don't blame you, since you're new to this," he said quietly, in that terrifying way only a few men could speak, "and I know that your first time on X is maybe making you lose control, but I'm not happy." He stepped toward me with a look in his eye that made me flinch. "You see, you're acting like a pretty little slut for him, but not for me. I tried not to spoil you too much earlier, but I see that just made you more wanton and greedy than before. So maybe I'll just indulge you."

I whimpered and cowered behind Dieter, but Miss Rose was having none of it. "Dieter, come here now. You were warned not to covet the boy, so now you must be disciplined." He stepped toward her, defeated. I knew it would be worse if he'd defied her to protect me from Ian, and I'd rather get punishment from Ian than know I caused Dieter’s. "Watch your little toy, Dieter," she said, shoving him down to his knees. "Learn who he really belongs to."

Ian caressed my shoulder lovingly before digging his fingers into it and throwing me against the tiled floor. I saw stars; I felt a little dazed and a little sick. Then I felt a blade bite into my neck.  I nearly shat myself.  Any arousal I had felt with Dieter shriveled up and died within me, and fear was born in its place.  "I'm not drawing blood, Jaeger," Ian whispered into my ear, making his body flush with mine, "but I could. Okay?"

"Yessir."  I could hardly breathe.  I didn’t move an inch.  He hadn’t drawn blood yet, but the knife stung against my throat.

"So formal." He sat up and pulled my ass up off the floor.  I balled my fists up; I fucking _hate_ this position.  "Just call me Ian."

Without warning, he forced himself entirely inside of me, all in one swift, excruciating motion.  Knowing that he liked when I hurt, I didn’t want to give him any extra satisfaction, but I couldn’t hold back from screaming.  It hadn’t hurt like that in a long, _long_ time. I clutched desperately at the tile floor.  I couldn’t breathe.  He thrusted hard and fast and deep.  I felt like I was choking.  Despite how much I'd been stretched out, over and over and over again, I couldn’t relax, and my body instinctively clenched down on his dick.  I’d been fucked too carelessly all night, and I felt incredibly raw.  He rubbed against all my sore spots, all the places I was torn.  It was a sharp and burning pain, and my entire body trembled.  I coughed up stomach acid as he forced himself deeper—no lube or condom or anything at all besides whatever was leftover from earlier in the night and the bit of spit Dieter had used.  The friction was unbearable, and my face burned with tears and barf.  I shook with sobs and screams that tore my throat, and I'm not sure who was yelling louder, me or Dieter.  I could barely hear over the sound of Ian grunting, his lips on my ear.  One of the nails on my left hand peeled up as I scratched in vain at the floor and stung from the pool of vomit.  Ian kept the knife pressed calmly against my neck as he neared completion, thankfully quickly. I quivered as he buried his cock as deep as my aching passage would allow and nearly collapsed as he came inside of me.

"Ian," I cried. "Ian, it hurts."  I wanted to roll over and yak all over again.  He came _inside_.

"I'm sorry, cutie. But this will help." He slashed my left cheek with the knife and I cried out again.

"Does that take your mind off of it?"

"Y-yes. Thank you." My voice wavered and caught in my throat. I winced as he started to lick the blood off of my face, but I was determined to stop crying. He was only doing it to see my reaction, and I didn't want to give it to him anymore.

"Good. Now get up." It took me a couple tries to get to my feet, but I did it. "Who do you belong to?"

"I—I belong to you, Ian."

"That's right. And who does Dieter belong to?"

"M-miss Rose." It was hard to even just breathe. "He belongs to—to Miss Rose."

"Good boy, Jaeger." Fucking hell, do I hate being called that. "Are you going to let him fuck you again?"

"No, sir.  No, sir." Now that my body was calming down, I started to feel the pressure that meant I needed the bathroom. I shifted my weight a little from foot to foot, even though it was painful. I drank a lot of water, and being scared and anxious made me really need to go.

"Dieter, do you understand?" Miss Rose glared down at him. "If you go near that boy again without permission, we'll punish you even worse." I didn't understand how they were punishing him. They didn't lay a finger on him, but I just got fucking—whatever.

"I understand." His voice was broken as well, and she pulled him by his collar back down to the basement.

Ian looked at me. "Shall we return, then?"

“I..."

"What?"

"I need to go. I need to use the toilet."

"You don't get that privilege."

"Wha...what?" I whined. "Ian, please."

"You can go. Go ahead, right here."

I turned bright red. "On your kitchen floor?"

"Yes." He looked really serious. "Why not?"

"It's...humiliating."

“Then learn your fucking place. Go right now, or I'll use the knife to force it out of you."

I trembled again, but when he came at me with the knife, I didn't underestimate him, and gave in to the request.  I wished that I was ten, and back in the basement of the man who stole me. That would be much nicer than pissing on this sick fuck's floor.

Ian made me take more heart-shaped pills once we got downstairs and promised to hurt me again if I wasn’t obedient. I didn't dare defy him. At least he wasn't interested in killing me, although that was starting to look more and more appealing.  Instead of letting me be passed around from person to person, he took me back to the middle of the room where he’d put me on display and kept me all to himself.  Over and over and over again.

Another hour passed, and although the pills made me feel lost and docile, it registered in the back of my mind that the Corporal hadn't come. Maybe I really did give terrible directions, and he'd never be able to find me. Maybe he didn't care about me at all. But at the very least, he'd seemed really interested in finding Ian, so he'd definitely come for _that_ monster.

Right?

* * *

 

When Ian finally finished with me, he laid me down on a couch and told me to sleep.  It didn’t even bother me that absolutely anything could happen, I just closed my eyes and knocked out immediately to the feeling of him playing with my hair.  I’m not sure how long he’d left me there, but some time later, he woke me up with a start.

He laughed at my violent reaction.  "I'm not here to hurt you. Someone asked me for you especially." I followed him to another little room of the basement and instantly tensed up. It looked like a little torture chamber to me, with things hanging off the ceiling and walls to chain people up. There was a swing and a school desk and a dirty little cot that looked like it came from a jail cell.  There were some sex toys I recognized and some things I was sure I never wanted anywhere near my body. I think they slaughtered an entire herd of cattle for all the leather in that room.

Ian must have seen the sick, frightened look on my face because he said, "don't worry. I don't think he wants to use any of this. He just didn't want to do it in front of the crowd. You know, performance anxiety." If I was lucky, that was true. He handed me a plain brown paper bag.

"What's this for?" I asked, peeking inside.

"He wants you to wear it," he shrugged as he reached the door. "Just put it on, and I'll bring him in."

I pulled the clothes out of the bag. First was a Cardinals football t-shirt and a pair of tight black jeans.

The last item was a green motorcycle jacket with wings on the back.

I nearly fell down and died.  "Corporal."


	6. White Stallion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Annie reveals that she called Ian to the mall and admits that she's loyal to him. She dresses Eren's wounds and prepares him for "the party," which terrifies Eren. He had heard of pet parties before, but is horrified at the thought of becoming a pet. Ian shows him off to his party guests, forcing him to suck him off in front of everyone. Afterwards, Eren is stopped by another pet, Dieter, who teaches him how to act and survive the night. Eren nervously takes Dieter's advice and uses ecstasy to block out the worst of the night as he as passed around from man to man. Later, Dieter and Eren are caught sneaking away from the party, and Ian rapes Eren as punishment before continuing to humiliate and torture him. Finally, Ian gets bored and tells Eren to sleep before waking him up to say that he's been specially requested by a guest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't own AoT
> 
> Chapter warnings: suicide-y type things, also it's probably garbage but you should leave a comment anyway
> 
> Update 10-10-17: I hadn't realized that I uploaded the wrong version of this chapter. Not much has changed, but it is a different edit now. Also, the next chapter will be late because I went on vacation for a week and didn't get any writing done. Sorry not sorry.

 

They were obviously the Corporal's own clothes. He's short and muscular, so the clothing was short and loose on me. The sleeves on the jacket fit _just_ right, but the jeans were kind of like capris on me. I laughed at that, but I was relieved that he wasn't going to see what Ian had done to me.  I had crazy piercings and bruises and cuts and was covered in vomit and cum—wearing real clothing for him was fucking _great_.

I heard the door handle and scrambled to get the collar off before the Corporal could see me wearing it. I settled for just pulling off the leash when the collar took too much effort and chucked it across the room. I smiled innocently at Ian as he raised an eyebrow at me, followed closely by the Corporal, who strolled in and filled the entire room with his presence.

I blushed at how handsome he looked. He wore a black suit with a green vest and a white cravat, and a black cloak on top of all that. In a better circumstance, it would have really suited him.

I figured I should act like I didn't know him, although maybe Ian recognized him, but maybe not. "Good evening, sir," I bowed, trying my best to hide how much in pain I was. "How can I service you?"

Ian patted me on the head, saying, "good boy, Jaeger." I really was getting so fucking sick of being treated like a dog, and 'good boy' always gave me flashbacks that made me want to rip the throat out of whoever said that to me.

Instead, I smiled again.

"Do whatever he wants, okay? Treat him nicely."

"Yes, sir," I replied obediently.

Ian clapped the Corporal on the shoulder, which earned him a glare, and said, "he's all yours."

"Actually," the Corporal said, a nasty bite to his voice, "you should stay." Ian dropped to the floor, unconscious, and I watched the short man put a pistol somewhere behind his back. He’d moved so fast that I didn't see it happen.

"Remind me not to get on your bad side," I chuckled, stepping closer to him. He stomped on Ian’s body with a frown and stopped in front of me, pressing his fingers gently to the gauze taped over my cheek. "’S nothing, really," I said, but it came out more weakly than I'd wanted it to. I moved my body closer to his, but he stepped back.

"The fuck happened to you? Why can't you talk like a human being?" It was true, my tongue was still swollen and the drugs made me stammer and slur all my words. He peeled open one of my eyelids and scrutinized me. "What are you on? What did they give you?"

"Corporal, ’m so happy to see you."  I put my arms around him and pulled him closer, laying sloppy kisses along his jaw.  "I knew you would come. I knew it."

"Jaeger, get it together," he growled, pushing me away. "Find your shit and get in my van before the goddamn police get here."

"Ow." I hurt all over, but my nerves flared up again. "Corporal, it hurts."

“What hurts?" His voice was a little kinder. Just a little. "Can you get upstairs? What did this shitbag do to you?" He grabbed my shirt and tried to pull it up, but I swatted him away.  

My blood turned to ice.  "I can do it.  Lemme go."

He glared at me.  "Jaeger, show me."

"No." The loud music playing from the other room started to give me a headache, and I thought I might hurl.

"Fucking show me!" He came at me again, trying to pull my shirt up.

I laughed, and it sounded a little insane. "Corporal, are you tryna do dirty things to me? I like you. You don't hafta force me." I kissed him hard, my lips sort of crashing onto his, and shoved my tongue into his mouth, ignoring the pain. He pushed me away again, harder.

"When did you get a piercing?"

"Haha. Didya like it?" I stumbled a little. "D’ya know where it would feel really good?"

He grabbed my shoulders harshly and I cried out. "Jaeger, can you make it upstairs by yourself? This is important."

"If I put your dick in my mouth." I giggled. "Corporal, let's do it. Right now. I wanna fuck you."

He rolled his eyes.  "Christ, you shitty brat—if you don’t want to get mixed up in this, then get the _fuck_ upstairs."

I kind of just felt like laughing. "Didya see the lights out there? Aren't they really pretty?" I swallowed hard. "I feel really hot. Okay, 'm going. Gonna get some water."

"Get to the _fucking van_ , brat."

"Yeah." I reached the door. "Yeah, I know. You said it was important."

* * *

 I did drink more water when I got upstairs, and being out of the mess of the party helped a little, but my head was seriously foggy. For a minute it would be clear, and then it would be hard to concentrate. I was able to make it back to the bedroom where my bag was, somehow. I grabbed my phone and shoved my clothes in there before trying to find Annie.  She was stuck in a shitty situation, but I didn't think that was a good enough reason for her to get arrested along with her brother.

"Eren." She found me first.

I took her by the arm and started tugged her arm weakly. "Police. We gotta get outta here." She stared at me for a moment, then nodded.  As she helped me toward the kitchen, I briefly thought of Dieter—there was no way I'd be able to just pull him out of the party with Miss Rose hanging around. The Corporal was dragging Ian across the kitchen floor toward the front door, grumbling about the floor being wet. I flushed red and decided not to explain that to him.

"Corporal, what is he wearing?" It was some kind of leather body suit with a mask.

"Telling people that our play got a little out of hand is easier than saying that I pistol-whipped the fucker. He deserves more than that, but I don't really have the time." He glared at me, dropping Ian not-so-gently on the floor. "Neither do you. Why aren't you outside yet?"

I gestured to Annie. "Can I bring her? She's special to me."

“Fucking—” He cocked his head to the side in a way that suggested a dramatic eyeroll.  “Just _go_ , dumbass."

"Okay." I started out the door.

"Oi. Give me my jacket. I can't be seen in this getup." I took his cloak and cravat in exchange. The jacket looked much more at home on him than me.

* * *

The sirens were getting close, and Annie and I just made it, scrambling into the back of the van. As I closed the door, the first car was pulling into the cul-de-sac. I sat against the side of the van hugging my knees to my chest, and the pain and emotion and everything started to hit me full force. My teeth were grinding, I needed to use the bathroom again, I wanted to throw up, the moonlight coming in through the windshield was not even  _ nearly enough light _ , and there was so much noise, so much noise from outside, and I didn't know whether to feel happy or cry or what and I didn't know what was going on and I couldn't breathe and everything hurt everything hurt everything—

"Eren." Annie sat next to me, her legs pressed against mine, and it was really comforting.

“F-freezing in here," I stuttered, and pulled the Corporal's cloak over myself and her. I felt her snuggle up closer to me.

"Why did you save me?" I couldn't see her face, but her voice had more emotion than it ever had.

"You were just doing what you needed to. I don't blame you. And it didn't make me happy, but I understand. I don't think you're the same class of monster as your brother.  I didn't want you to go down with him."

"I wouldn't have done the same, if our positions were reversed."

I shrugged.  "That doesn't matter to me. I wanted to do it, so I did it."

I felt her looking at me. "I would have definitely been arrested if they knew that I had an idea of what was going on and did nothing. I'd be an accomplice."

"I don't call doing nothing and actively helping the same crime. That's fucking dumb." I shivered. Annie pushed my legs flat out in front of me and sat in my lap.

"I think you're getting pretty bad. Sick, I mean.”  She peeled one of my eyelids back.  “Did you take too much ecstasy? Did you mix any drugs?"

"I dunno,” I said, swatting her hands away.  “Who remembers?"

"Did you know that drinking too much water is dangerous too? It's called Hyponatremia."

I swallowed down that sick feeling in my stomach.  "I feel nauseous."

"You should eat something. Is there anything in this car?"

I shrugged.  She got off of me and rummaged around the van in the dark. "How d’you know that?  The water thing, I mean."

"It's interesting to me. For a long time, I've wanted to join the military as a medic. Now, I think I want to join the military police."

"I wanted to join, too. But I don't think I wanna do anything as cushy as that. I wanna do real work. Like a Green Beret or something. The elite."

"I don't want to throw myself into death like that." She came back and pressed something to my mouth. "Eat this." It was a pretzel. "It's the best I can do right now."

"It's fine." She kept feeding me pretzels, sitting back on my lap again. "Annie, I don't really wanna eat. I'm not hungry."

"You need to. You haven't eaten anything in hours."

I swatted her hand away again.  "What’re you gonna do now? I guess you could stay with me tonight, but then what? You can’t come back here."

"I'll call Sasha and stay there. After that, I can sneak back here and steal my brother's hidden stash. I don't think the cops will find it. I'll use that money to take care of myself until I can join the army. So don't worry."

"Okay." I let my eyes close. I felt really, really tired, and Annie's body was warm on mine. The beating of her heart was comfortable against my chest. I heard her say something, but I was already losing myself to sleep.

* * *

 

Distantly, I heard someone calling my name.

"Hey, brat. Jaeger. Wake up. Jaeger, wake up."

"Huh?" I looked around frantically, trying to get my bearings. I was freezing, shaking like a leaf, but covered in sweat. My throat was dry and sore, and I couldn't get my eyes to focus on anything.

He sighed and muttered to himself before he crossed his arms and glared at me.  “See, I was going to be nice and let you sleep, but then you started screaming fucking bloody murder."

"Sorry," I slurred, rubbing my eyes.

"Tch. Don't do all that and then pretend everything's okay. Are you ready to tell me what happened yet?"

"I told you nothing happened." He looked like he wanted to punch me, but settled for dragging me out of the vehicle. "Ow, fuck! Stop it, it hurts." Tears sprang to my eyes, but I didn't want to cry.

"No, it doesn't. Nothing happened," he spat back at me. As soon as my feet hit the asphalt, I doubled over and vomited. It was only stomach acid, but it just kind of poured out of me without warning. "You couldn't have warned me, brat? Fucking disgusting. You're not going to do that again, are you? If you puke in there, you're going to fucking clean it."

I shook my head. "I feel hella better now."

He glared at me again, saying, "don't step in that shit. Idiot," as he helped me over to the front of the van. "Be glad you didn't get any on me."

Sitting in the front was admittedly more comfortable than in the back, and it hit me that Annie wasn't there anymore. "Corporal, what happened to Annie?"

"Your little girlfriend? I dropped her off somewhere in Gilbert."

"She's not—I mean, we're not anything like that."  I looked away.

He scoffed.  "I guess you just cozy up to anyone, huh?"  I didn't really want to respond to that.  We drove for another ten minutes until he finally said something. "So, what are you on right now?"

"Ugh," I groaned, rolling my head over to look at him.  Everything still felt really hazy.  Hadn’t Annie told me what it was?  "Right now...ecstasy?"  The rest had surely worn off long ago.  Looking back, it’s sort of a miracle that I was alive, but that might have had to do with how many times I ralphed that night.

"How's that treating you?"

"Not as well as it was two hours ago.”  I threw my head back and sighed.  “ _Fuck_ , everything felt really nice about two hours ago."

He stared ahead at the road silently. "And why the _hell_ did you get in a car with Ian _fucking_ Dietrich?"

I slouched further into the chair.  "He didn’t exactly give me a choice. I was out with my friends and he was feeling me up in front of them.”  I closed my eyes, and that feeling of mortification came back.  “It was so embarrassing," I muttered.

There was another second of silence before he exploded.  "You got in a car alone with that waste of human life because you got a little embarrassed? Are you fucking kidding?" It was the first time he'd raised his voice at me.

"I haven't had a friend in five years,” I scoffed, mumbling.  I didn’t have the energy to yell at all.  “Sorry that I wanted to seem like a normal teenager for a change. Fucking sue me."

"Do you have a fucking death wish?" He screamed so loud that jumped.  I was legitimately scared. He looked at me with the same kind of anger that Ian did when he caught me messing around with Dieter. "Do you have _any idea_ who he is?  What he's capable of?”  He pounded his fist against the steering wheel.  “You seriously could’ve died. _You could have fucking died_. Is that sinking in for you yet? Because you seem pretty goddamn clueless, you shit! You risked your life because you were too afraid to tell your little friends that you're a—"  He held his tongue at the last second, and I couldn’t help but laugh incredulously.

“You’ll call me all that, but stop short of whore?”  I sat up defensively.  "You can say it. That I'm a whore. That's what you meant, right?"

His eyes narrowed.  "Are you fucking—have you heard a damn word?" I felt the car speed up considerably.

I rolled my eyes again.  "Yeah, I've been listening.  I almost died, but guess what?  I'm still fucking here." I peeked at the speedometer. "Does it even matter?  I’m nobody to anyone, just a place to shove your dick in the middle of the desert.  So please, just explain to me why death would be so bad." My voice broke from being so hoarse, but it didn't stop me from trying to yell.

We were flying down the freeway at about ninety miles an hour. Granted, it's way less dangerous at around two-thirty in the morning, but that didn't make me feel better about it. "You're so fucking clueless," he continued. "You are _really fucking clueless_."

I grunted in frustration. I really didn't have it in me to fight anymore. "Could you just slow down? You're going to kill us."

"I thought you didn't fucking care," he growled, but stepped on the brakes.

We didn't speak for the rest of the ride.

* * *

We finally came to stop outside of a Homewood Suites in northern Phoenix. I was unsteady on my feet, and the Corporal had to put an arm around me just so that I could make it to the door.

"Take it easy, Jaeger," he muttered as he got on the elevator.

"Thanks." He didn't look at me. "I mean it, really. Thank you."  He merely grunted in response.

The suite was like an apartment, equipped with a living room, a full kitchen, a dining table and a desk, and even a private bedroom. I thought about my tiny motel room and thought it would be great to upgrade, but I wasn't legally old enough. The good thing about the place I was staying was that no one asked any questions or remotely cared as long as I paid.

The Corporal sat me down on the couch and told me to relax. I felt really awkward, but I was glad to not be alone in my own room. That place held a lot of bad memories, and I don't think I could have handled being there after what I went through.

"How are you feeling?" he called from the kitchen.

"Ugh...out of it," I replied weakly. "I just want to sleep forever."

He came back with a red Gatorade. "Drink this. When was the last time you ate?"

I shook my head, but that was a mistake.  "Not hungry."  My entire head throbbed.

"Didn't fucking ask if you were hungry, brat," he snapped, then sighed, as if trying to find his patience again. "Just answer the question."

"I think...I think I ate around five." I looked over at the clock. It was three in the morning.

He scoffed and walked off again. I cracked open the drink and gulped half of it down by the time he returned. "Slow down, idiot." He tossed some saltines in my direction and they hit me in the chest. "You can't eat too fast either."

I sighed and closed my eyes, letting my head fall back onto the wall. "I don't wanna exist right now."

He nudged my arm. "Just eat some crackers and take a bath." I didn't move at all and I heard him fussing with the plastic wrapping on the saltines. "You're a lazy brat," he muttered, pressing three crackers to my lips. I opened my mouth enough to let them be pushed in. "Well, fucking eat them," he added when I didn't start to chew. I felt bad for irritating him, but he didn't understand. I was really serious when I said I just didn't want to do anything anymore. I just wanted to stop being at all.

I started to chew them slowly and opened my eyes halfway, watching him go into the bathroom. I heard the water start up and closed my eyes again, letting myself drift off.

"Jaeger." The Corporal poked me hard in the ribs. "You can't fall asleep yet. You're fucking filthy."

I opened my eyes and gave him the most hateful look I could muster.

He cracked an almost-smile. "Not bad."

I tried really hard to stand up, I did. But the drugs were wearing off and so was the adrenaline and everything was really catching up to me. "Jaeger, settle down. I've got you." He picked me up like a bride and carried me to the bathroom, and I admit it. For someone who was trying to take care of me really nicely, I was being a fucking asshole. But I'd had enough of being manhandled.

"What the fuck, Corporal? There are lots of less embarrassing ways to carry someone." My face went red; it was becoming a pretty common thing.

"You don't get to complain, brat." He sat me on the edge of the tub and unbuttoned my pants.

I punched him in the shoulder.  It wasn’t hard, but I got nervous when he put his hands on me. "Don't do that. Please, just let me be alone."

His eyes narrowed darkly. "Brats who allude to suicide don't get to leave my sight. You've earned exactly zero minutes of you-time. It's us-time now."

I rolled my eyes. " _Nothing happened_."  I didn’t want him to see me, to know what happened.  I didn’t want to be touched.

He glared at me.  "You really know how to test me, Jaeger. You're a terrible fucking liar. It's obvious that you don't want to get naked in front of me because you don't want me to see what happened. If nothing really happened, then you're just being a little fucking brat. The only reason you'd mention wanting to die is because you're an attention-seeking little shit. There are people out there who have been through _real_ pain. So don't fucking belittle what they've been through with your 'nothing.' Unless, it's actually something."

"Fuck you,” I spat angrily. “I don't even know why you care. _We fucked once._ If you can't handle that sort of thing, then maybe you shouldn't pick up hookers."

He raised his hand and I really thought he was going to kick the shit out of me.

Instead, he slammed the door shut and left me in there.

I sat there for a while before I found the strength to peel off my clothes and lower myself into the bath. The hot water stung and felt amazing at the same time.  I couldn’t help but close my eyes, just for a second.  I hadn’t meant to drift off, but sleep claimed me hard and fast.


	7. Monster

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren wakes up in the Corporal's care and wants nothing more than to push away his memories of the night before. Of course, the Corporal puts an end to that delusion immediately, and they make a tense trip to the Central City Precinct.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't own AoT. Here is some more un-beta'd garbage YOU'RE WELCOME
> 
> This chapter brought to you late by My Pacific Coast Vacation TM.
> 
> Chapter Warnings: More suicide-y things

I was awake, but I didn't open my eyes. I was so comfortable that I decided not to move an inch, even if I were on fire.

Okay, _maybe_ then things would have been different.

It took a couple seconds to realize that my own bed was not this comfortable, and the events that took place the night before suddenly flooded back to me.I heard the sound of a page turning and the bed creaked. So, the Corporal was indeed still with me. When you spend your life under people heaving and grunting as loudly and obnoxiously as possible, it's kind of amazing to not hear the sound of breathing at all.

I don't know how he knew I was conscious, since I literally hadn't even opened my eyes. "You're finally awake, huh?" Maybe the gears in my head turned loudly or something. "The way you were breathing changed."

And apparently I was broadcasting thoughts.

"I'm not a mind reader, you brat. You're predictable."

I wanted to say something snarky, but when I remembered how close I’d really been to death and how he took care of me—with absolutely no obligation to do so—I felt like I needed to make up for my bad attitude and settled on: "Morning, Corporal." I opened my eyes and tilted my head to see him sitting cross-legged at the foot of the bed. It took about every ounce of strength I had.

He closed the book loudly enough for me to hear it, but didn’t look at me.  "Did you _really_ try to fucking drown yourself in my bathtub?"

"What?" My voice was really raspy. "Of course not. Drowning sounds awful. If suicide is an escape from pain, then I'd be doing it wrong." I didn't like that he'd pulled me out of the tub. I guessed that he'd also just kind of thrown me into bed, because I was still naked, and I didn't like that either, although it did seem that he took the time to bandage me up first.

He scoffed. "I didn't realize there was a _right_ way to kill yourself."

"It should be nice," I explained simply. "Like taking a ton of sleeping pills and then just not waking up."

"I see." He stood and came up to the nightstand, placing the book and pen down.  To my surprise, he climbed into the bed beside me.  I figured he’d still be pissed at me, but he gave me this look and ran his hand through my hair.  I blushed and pulled the blanket a little higher.  “How do you feel?”

“Fine.” His hand came to rest on my cheek, and I licked my lips.  I was too tired to do any work, but if he didn’t mind me just lying there, I’d do it.  “Well enough,” I added timidly.  “So…”

“So?”  His expression was flat, but he stroked my cheek, moving his hand down to my chin.  

I pulled my arm out of the blanket and grabbed his hand.  “Go ahead.”  I brought his hand down into the blanket, down my stomach and put it between my legs.  He pulled back immediately.

“What the fuck are you doing?”  He actually sounded irritated, although I came to learn that that was his standard tone.  “If you’ve got morning wood, go handle it your damn self.”  He hopped off the bed and grabbed his stuff from the side table before heading toward the door.

I blinked and sat up slowly.  “That’s not what you wanted?”

“Jesus, no.”  He continued out of the room, muttering something.  

“...Okay.”  I didn’t understand what I’d done wrong.   _He_ was the one getting all cute with me.  And if he didn’t bring me back to his place to fuck me, then...what was I there for?  I pulled my knees into my chest and waited for him to come back, resting my head on my knees.

When he returned, we both went, “So—”  He rolled his eyes and continued talking.  "I know you're not really interested in food, but fucking eat it."  He held out a plate of toast.

He was right; I had absolutely no appetite, but I took the plate anyway.  "Thank you."  I put a corner of the bread in my mouth.  It took a lot of effort for me to chew it.

He grumbled, "Don't get any fucking crumbs in here." He crossed his arms and leaned back as I took another slow bite. I managed to swallow half of the slice down before he said anything else.  “What do you want to do about it?”

“About what?” I asked, spewing crumbs.  

“Tch.  Didn’t I tell you to be careful?”  He rolled his eyes with his entire head.  “About last night.”

I shrugged.  “What about it?”  I didn’t want to talk about it.

He sighed, “Well, do you…” He rubbed the back of his neck.  “Look, I don’t know how you got to be this way or why you haven’t…” He went back to crossing his arms.  “I understand if you don’t want to get involved in the investigation.  It’s up to you to decide to come forward or not.  In any case, I need to go down to the station today, and I’m not leaving you alone here.  You don’t have to come inside if you don’t want to, and even if you do, you don’t have to say anything.”

“I understand.”  I went back to eating my toast.  I really didn’t want to go through it all.  If I went to the cops, I’d have to do a trial and everything.  I’d have to relive it all over and over again, and all I wanted to do was forget.  And anyway, I could get in trouble for hooking, or worse, end up in foster care.  I generally didn’t trust or like being around adults, and only tolerated the ones who paid me.  And most of all...I didn’t want a new family.  It might seem stupid, that I put myself through all of this because I was afraid that some nice parents might take me in, and I might live a happy life.  But it was true.  I didn’t want to be happy with someone else’s family.  The only person I wanted was Mikasa.

“Why don’t you just tell _me_ what happened?"  It didn’t sound much like a suggestion.

"Why don’t you just _fuck off_?” I replied simply.

"Jaeger, I've already seen it,” he huffed.  “It’ll...be cathartic, or some shit."

I put the plate aside with a half of piece of bread left on it.  I didn’t have an appetite to begin with, and especially not then.  “I said, I don’t want to talk about it.”  Even if I _wanted_ to tell him, I didn’t know what to say.  

“I know.  But there are a bunch of unsolved murders sitting on Detective Langnar’s desk, and you would have been next.”  

I swallowed hard.  My mouth was dry, and I croaked, “Probably.”  I knew that, but I didn’t want to think about it.

“Even if you don’t want to go on the record, your story will help her with the other cases.”

“But you have Dietrich.  What do you need me for?”

He looked back at the floor and went to the window on the other side of the room.  After a long silence, he finally said, "Jaeger, do you ever wait to take a shit? And then it makes you feel sick, and by the time you're ready to let it out it's too late."

I looked at him strangely.  "...Sure."

"That's why you should just tell me what happened last night." He turned back toward me, and I gave him a dirty look.  "Holding that kind of shit in doesn't make it better for anyone. You'll end up like me if you decide not to let it out. Then there isn't really any going back from it."

"So...you’re trying to save me from your life of eternal constipation?"

He glared at me. I was starting to get used to that, too. "I don’t usually say shit like this.”

"Clearly."

He growled and grabbed my plate off the bed.  “You don’t have to decide this second, but you _do_ have to figure it out by the time we get to the station.”  I watched as he exited the room.  “Get dressed.”

* * *

“So?  What’s it gonna be?”  

We sat in the van outside of the Central City precinct.  “You promise that if I talk, she won’t get me involved?”

The Corporal nodded.  “I won’t let anything happen to you that you don’t want.”  He reached his hand out, but didn’t touch me.  “I can stay with you, if you want.  Or not.”

I looked over at him and mustered up a smile.  “Okay.  I’ll do it.”

He put his hand down and unbuckled himself.  “All right.”  I watched him type a message on his phone before we got out of the car.  I clenched my hands and swallowed down my nerves.

He lead us into the station with quick, long strides, and I struggled to keep up somehow.  I felt sore and sick.  A woman with short, dark hair and light eyes nodded her head in greeting as we entered and held open a door.  “Agent Ackerman, it’s nice to know you made it home safe last night.”

“Sure did.” Corporal replied.  He followed her straight through the bullpen, and I plodded along behind them nervously.  “You?”

She gave him a snarky smile.  “The Lieutenant was _more_ than pleased to give me a ride.”

“I’ll bet,” he smirked.  “Probably chewed his own tongue off—”

"Levi!" A blonde man with a warm smile headed toward us from the other side of the room.  Although the blond man looked kind and friendly, the Corporal looked especially irritated as he pushed me toward the woman and made his way over.  I looked over at them, curious, but the woman put her hand on my shoulder.  Every hair on my body stood up straight.

She gave me a sad smile.  “Nice shirt, kid,” she said, ushering me along.

“Oh,” I stammered, looking down.  It was the Cardinals shirt the Corporal—Levi?—gave me during the party.  “Yeah.” I looked back at her.  “Y-you like football?”

She laughed as we came to a room.  “Yeah.”  She opened the door, and I hesitated.  It looked like a scary interrogation room from some show.  “It’s okay,” she said.  “Just have a seat.  You want something to drink?”   

I sat down gingerly in the metal chair and nodded.  “Water would be nice.”

“No problem.”  She pulled out her phone and sent a quick text.  “Levi will bring it when he comes in.”

I nodded.  “Thanks.”

“By the way,” she started, sitting down across from me and lacing her fingers together, “how did you meet Levi?”

I couldn’t help but blush.  “He was following Ian, so naturally…”

“And how did you come to meet _Ian_?”

I didn’t look at her.  “I was his whore.”

She cocked her head to the side.  “You mean, you were his pet?”   _God,_ I hate that word.

“No, before the party.”  I fidgeted in my seat.  “Can we wait for the Corporal?”

She looked surprised.  “Sure, I’m sorry.”  She leaned back in her chair.  “I’m not used to talking to…”  She looked at me and then looked away.  “I mean, normally I deal with strung-out junkies or corpses,” she laughed nervously, “so interviewing you is...different.”

I scratched my wrist in a particularly raw spot, and it started to bleed.  “I thought this wasn’t going to be official?”

“No, no, no.  Don’t worry.”  She smiled more confidently this time.  “Look, let’s start over.  My name’s Ilse.  Yours?”

“ _Ilse_.”  The Corporal stood in the doorway with a bottle of water.  

“ _Levi_ ,” she hissed back.  “Have a seat.”  She gestured to the chair beside her.

Instead, he came over and sat in the chair next to me.  “Brat, don’t answer that,” he said, putting the water down on the table and sliding it over.

“Thanks,” I muttered, fumbling with the cap of the bottle.  Corporal scoffed and took it from my hands, opening it up and setting it back down in front of me.  I took a long sip.  I was stalling.

The Corporal slid his hand across the table so that his pinky just barely touched mine.  "Take a deep breath," he said. "Start at the beginning. You were with your friends."

"I…”  I glanced at him before turning back to Ilse.  “Yeah. I was with my friends,” I started slowly.  “And he showed up, saying that he wanted to spend some more time with me.”  I turned back to Levi and spoke quietly.  “I wanted to contact you, but he took my phone when I got in the car. It made me nervous, so I tried hard to remember the way to his house."

He nodded.  "You actually didn’t do too bad. Finding you was the easier part of everything I had to do.  So..."

I looked down to my lap.  "You didn’t have to do everything you did for me.  I know you were just following your bounty."  I paused to listen to the clock on the wall ticking loudly.  The room smelled stale.

“Well?”  Ilse prodded me for more.  "What happened next?"

I licked my lips. "H-he told me to shower. When I came out, he...handcuffed me to the bed so that I wouldn't move, and he p-pierced me." I had to close my eyes and get a grip. "He, uh, started with my tongue." I absently put my fingers to my lips. "Then my...my nipples. My belly button. By then, I was already in pain, so it didn’t matter much." I peeked over at the Corporal, blushing, my heart threatening to beat out my chest. He stared straight ahead, and maybe there was tension in his jaw, or maybe I imagined it.

My mouth felt really dry, and I swallowed hard before continuing, but it didn’t help.  I started to get that tight feeling in my chest.  "He left me there for a while. When he came back, it was to touch me. To take me almost all the way there and then leave me again." I laughed incredulously. "If I tried to get off, he’d hurt me.  He said he liked the way I looked when I was in pain." I stuttered for a moment, trying to find the words to go on, and my hands fidgeted in my lap. "When I finally started to relax again, he came back and fucked me with...whatever he found around the room.  Over and over.”  It was embarrassing to say.  I started to tremble, pushing the vivid memories away.  “Choked me hard." I absently touched my throat.  “Kept telling me I was pretty," I chuckled. "'You're so pretty. I like the face you make when it hurts. I want to see it again. Jaeger, you're so pretty.'”  The more I talked about it, the more riled up I got.  I got upset and terrified and angry.  The words started to spill from my mouth, faster and louder than before.  “He would do anything to see me cry.  To hear me beg him to stop.  He wouldn’t let me eat or drink, and being chained up was agony.  Every time I tried to rest my eyes, he punished me.”  I put my hand over the bandage on my chest.  “When he came on me and licked it all up and told me how perfect I was—”  I paused, choking back tears.  “And I thought that maybe, _maybe_ it was over then," I spat, clenching my fists.

"Hey."  Levi’s tone was warning, but I just kept talking.

"And I guess, for him, I really was the one, because he came back and branded me. The heart symbol on my hip that makes me his property.”  I couldn’t look at either of them.  “That's when I finally contacted you. After that."

"Take a break,"  Levi said, but I _had_ to say it now.

"Then, I had to go to the party.”  I looked at Ilse again, not bothering to hide the tears that started to run down my face.  "They gave me oxy and booze and x so I’d be doped up enough to let all those people do whatever they wanted with me." My voice sounded hollow, even to my own ears.

"You can stop," Levi interjected again.  His voice was not flat or even like it usually was.

I laughed darkly.  “Don't you want to hear about how he fucked me raw?  Humiliated me?  Cut my face so he could lick off the blood? Don't you want to know why I wanted to die?"

He stood up so fast, his chair fell over.  ”Just shut the fuck up, all right?"  He seethed and glowered down at me.

I threw my bottle at him.  “You don’t get to do that.   _You_ wanted this.  You don’t get to force me to talk and take it all back.”

He reached his arm up like he was going to hit me when Ilse interjected.  “Whoa, whoa, hey!  Levi!”  She came over and grabbed his arm.  “Why don’t you take a walk?”

He shook her off roughly.  “Yeah.”  I tried to make myself as small as I could as he passed me by, and the door slammed shut behind him.

“You okay?”  Ilse’s voice was sweeter than it had ever been.  “He can be kind of scary, right?”  

I nodded.  “I can’t ever tell what he’s thinking.”

She studied me for a moment as she sat back down.  “Did you want to take a short break?  I can get you another water bottle.”

I thought about it for a moment.  Part of me wanted to say yes, but most of me just wanted this to be over so I could go back home.  “No, thanks.  I just want to finish.”

“Sure.”  She leaned back again, this time crossing her legs.  “Could you tell me more about how you met Dietrich?”

“There’s not more.”  I played with the cap I still held in my hand.  “He just showed up and paid for a fuck like everyone else.  I don’t know how he found me.”

“Oh, I see.  And how many times did he...visit you?”

I found it funny that she bothered being delicate.  “Just the once.”  

She kept the questions coming.  “Is that when he took you?”

“No, he—he came to me on Saturday.”

She nodded slowly.  “And what about Levi?  How did he find you if Dietrich only came to you the one time?”

"Ah—oh, well, you see, that's—that's—" I was saved by a sudden commotion down the hallway.

Ilse opened the door as a blond man came running down the hallway.  "Commander Schultz!  Commander Smith!  Come quick—ah!" I almost laughed when he tripped and bit his own tongue.

"Stay here," she said, heading for the end of the hallway.  I nodded, but staying put didn’t mean I couldn’t see what all the excitement was.  The blond with the warm smile came running after Ilse, followed by another man with dark hair—the Commanders, maybe?  They all entered the room, and I heard some struggling before whatever what going on spilled out of the interrogation room and into the hallway: Ilse and the two men were holding back the Corporal, who kicked and screamed and spat profanity and almost escaped their grasp twice. They dragged him into a room across the way while the tongue-biter pulled Ian out of the room—at least, what was left of him.

He was a mess. His face and chest were covered in blood, his nose was crooked, and there were definitely fingers bent in ways they didn't belong. My eyes widened as they carried him past me.

Had he...had  _Levi_ done all that to him?

I ran over to where they had taken the Corporal, and luckily they'd left the door wide open: he looked like a rabid, wild animal. Not one single shred of the composure he always had, even when he was screaming at me in the car. His hair was disheveled, his eyes were crazy, he really did foam at the mouth; there was blood on his knuckles and splattered across his cheek, and Ilse and the brunette Commander were holding him down in the chair.

“Don’t you tell me to fucking _calm down_ —get your dirty fucking hands off!” He started to stand, but was pushed back down.

“Stop this, hey—Levi, stop!”  Commander Blondie slammed his hand down on the table when the Corporal didn’t stop wrestling against his captors.  “Agent Ackerman, you are _this_ close to being arrested, calm down!”

He stopped struggling, but he was no less energetic.  "That motherfucking cunt has done so much evil fucking bullshit, and you’re telling _me_ to calm down?"  

"Are you kidding me?  You can't just come running in here on some personal vendetta—I mean, what the fuck were you thinking?  This isn’t justice!"  Even when Blondie was yelling, he was so put together—I could see how livid he was, but he wasn’t out of control like the Corporal.

“Personal ven—you know _exactly_ what he’s done and what he’ll get away with, even on these charges, if they even fucking stick—this won’t be better until I know he's dead, and _I want to fucking do it_ , right now, with—"

“ _Hey!_ ”  Blondie slammed his hands down on the table again, this time with both, and got right up in the Corporal’s face.  "You need to leave,  _now_. I'll drop your money off. I can save you just this once, but if you go anywhere near Ian Dietrich again, there will be nothing I can do, and you'll be arrested. Is that clear?"

It was clear he didn’t want to stop, but even in his rage, Corporal knew better than to push it. "Fucking crystal."

I trembled, spun around on my heel, and made a beeline for the door. I needed to get out, I needed to breathe, I needed to feel like the building wasn't closing in on me.  "Fuck—" I vomited the word out onto the sidewalk outside the front door, right along with the contents of my stomach. The tears stung my face, the stomach acid burned, and I coughed and hiccoughed repeatedly, trying to get a grip. I'd just seen something frightening and horrifying—a monster.  I took deep breaths, bent over with my hands on my knees. "Oh, fuck. Oh, fuck," I cried softly to myself.

"Jaeger." It was the Corporal's voice, hard and cold, and pointed. "Get in the car." He put a hand out to guide me, but I flinched and backed away.

"Don't. Don't touch me."

"Jaeger, come on. You'll calm down in the car and feel better when we get back home." His voice was only marginally kinder.

"I don't want to go anywhere with you," I shouted, my voice thick with tears.

"And how will you get there by yourself?" Harsh, again. He couldn’t do anything that wasn't abrasive.

"I don't give a shit.  I don’t want to be around you."

"As if I'd let you go alone!" He grabbed my arm and pulled me toward the van.

"Don't touch me, I said!"  I pulled back, but he didn’t let go.

"Stop acting like a child!"

"No!" I screamed, wrenching my arm out of his grasp. "I trusted you to save me from that monster, and instead you turned into one!"  His face twisted into such a look of pain—it didn’t bother me at the time, but I think back on it a lot.  I ran away from him, from the station, from everything, and just kept running.


	8. Nightmares

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After running away from Levi, Eren tries to run away from his feelings by returning to familiar things.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry that it's late again. This last month has been really rough. I also apologize to any of my YoI readers. I really am working on those chapters, I just...it's been so hard.
> 
> Thanks for your support.
> 
> Chapter Warnings: Suicidal thoughts, flashbacks, night terrors

Running clears my head, and I wanted nothing more than to disappear.  Despite all the pain my body felt, the burning up my backside, how much it hurt to just _breathe_ , I needed to get the adrenaline out. I needed to erase the fear so that I felt numb and empty.  Not existing for a while would be great. I just wanted everything to go away.

Eventually, I wound up back at the police station. Maybe I should have run back to the hotel, but by the time my head was clear enough to think about anything like that, I still wasn’t ready to see Levi, and I’d been running for forty minutes and was plenty exhausted.  Instead, I just ran in circles until I found my way back to the station.  I was all out of options. I didn't have money for a bus and calling up the Corporal seemed like a terrible idea. 'Sorry for being a prick. Please come get me.' Yeah fucking right.

I decided that if that detective were still around, I would ask her pretty please for a ride home—not that I had one to go to. I didn't want to be alone. I didn't want to be with stone-faced asshole.  I didn’t want _anything_ , really.

"Eren?"

I turned around. "D-Dieter? What are you doing here?" I tried to smile pleasantly, but it probably looked more like I'd caught a whiff of cat piss.

"I'm so glad you're safe.”  He brought a hand up to my unbandaged cheek and stroked it softly.  “You look exhausted. How are you feeling?"

I leaned into the touch. I felt so hot, and his hand was cool. "I feel all right," I lied. "You look tired too."

He laughed. "I was feeling fine until I had to come down here and give my official statement. But, I'm happy. They arrested Miss Rose and the others, and in a few days, I'll be back home."

I put my hand over his. "That's really great."

"Yeah." He paused. "Is there somewhere I can take you? You should really be resting."

“I just…”  As much as I didn’t want to go to Levi’s, I wasn’t totally keen on going to my place either.  “Anywhere is fine.  As long as I’m not alone.”

He brought his hand down to my back.  “You won’t be.”

I shivered and nodded.  “Okay.”  I followed him to his car and directed him to the motel, barely listening as he told me about his time in the Junior Corps in high school—I didn’t really care, but it was funny that when I’d accidentally called him Corporal, it meant something to him.  "What did you do in high school, Eren?" he asked suddenly as we pulled into the lot.

"I haven't been in a real school since the fifth grade,” I shrugged.  “Anyway, I'm only fifteen."

He looked surprised. "Really?"

I shrugged again.  “Does that bother you?"

"Well, I...it’s not really normal for a man of my age to sleep with teenage boys," he chuckled nervously.

I laughed genuinely. "I routinely fuck older men. So, if you're wondering whether it bothers me, well, you're in luck. I actually appreciate your youth."

"My youth? I'm nineteen," he laughed.

"Way younger than my usual clients," I nodded.

He cocked his head to the side. "Your clients?"

"Yeah, uh..." I felt that awkward ashamed feeling again. "I'm sort of...a prostitute? Ha, no, I mean, I _am_ one. It's just...weird saying it out loud."  We got out of the car and I realized that my bag was still at the Corporal’s, which meant my keys were too.  I knew the owner would give me a hard time if I asked to use the spare, so instead I asked Dieter to vault me up to the window of my room.  “This is your place?” he asked, holding my thighs as I sat on his shoulders.

“Yeah,” I grunted back, shimmying the window open.

"But, Eren, don't your parents take care of you?"

I shook my head. "They died a long time ago. It's just been me. For a long time." Fuck, my chest hurt. "I don't really want to talk about it."

“Okay.”

* * *

Dieter and I ran out of things to talk about really quickly.  We kept running into subjects that touched on the past, on things neither of us really wanted to get into.  I sat cross-legged against the headboard, looking across at him, sitting with his legs hanging off the bed.  The silence had hung awkwardly between us for about thirty seconds, and I opened my mouth to say, ‘Well, I’m sure you have better things to do than stare at me.’

Instead, I kept quiet as he leaned forward suddenly and combed his fingers through my hair.  I scooted closer, and he held me with one arm, continuing to run his fingers through my hair, staring back at me.  I looked away, and he pulled me back by the chin, stroking my face and ears and nuzzling me.  He kissed my face over and over again—my cheek, my nose, my forehead, my temples—I didn’t like it.  It was suffocating.  My heart was beating out of my chest as I grabbed him by the shirt and kissed him on the mouth.  He pulled back, and I kissed him again.  If we were going to fuck, I just wanted to get it over with.  He pulled away again, but laid me down on the bed and took my head into his hands.  I put mine over his.  

“It’s okay,” I said.

“Is it?”  He looked sad.  “We don’t have to—”

“It’s _okay_ ,” I repeated, rubbing my thumbs in circles.  I didn’t want him to see how nervous I was, because the truth was, I was terrified.  I was terrified the moment we got in his car, the moment I knew we’d be alone together, the moment he sat down on the bed.  I knew that things were going to end up like this.  They always do.  Men say whatever they want to me, but they just want me to shut up and sit pretty and rut.  And even though I’m so, _so_ used to that, to being violated and used, to crying myself to sleep or not getting any sleep at all, it made me _terrified._   “It’s just sex.”  I was reassuring myself more than him.

“Eren…”  His eyes flickered like he was deciding what to say.

“What is it?” I asked.

He blushed.  “I was just thinking how sad you look.”  He combed his fingers through my hair again.

I didn’t want to look at him.  “It’s not sadness.  It just...is.”  I didn’t want him to look at me.  

He kept petting me.  “You deserve to be cherished.”  

It was just so much easier to pretend I didn’t care.  I always dealt with things by burying them.  By forcing myself to do the scary thing until it wasn’t scary.  I reached over and opened the drawer of my nightstand.  “I have whatever you need.”  When I was afraid of heights, I kept climbing up trees until I wasn’t afraid anymore.  If Ian had made me afraid of sex, then I would fuck until it felt good again.

He didn’t make a move for it.  “Eren, you make me feel—”

"Look, d’you want to fuck or not?"  I didn’t want to hear him say shit like that.  He didn’t have to lie.  What was he expecting?  That I’d fall head over heels for the first prick to fuck me sweetly?

Dieter sighed back at me.  “It’s okay to say no.”

"It's fine," I said impatiently. If I couldn't even do this, then Ian would win.

He leaned down kissed me softly, slowly letting his weight press down on me.  He tried his best to avoid my bandages as he pulled up my shirt and stroked my belly and chest and sides, but I was sore _everywhere_.  It didn’t matter how gentle he was.  I tried to pretend I was relaxed, but really, every muscle in my body was tense.  I didn't dare close my eyes.  More than anything, I wanted to be somewhere else.

"You're trembling," he whispered as he tossed my shirt to the side.

"It's just cold in here," I lied.  It was all I could do to keep my shit together.   "Come on." I took one of his hands and pressed it in the middle of my chest.

"All right." Dieter licked at my nipples, and as long as it didn't press on the piercing too hard, it was okay. He went back to stroking my sides and put a hand between my legs.  It was actually worse that he was being slow and gentle.  I wanted him to be quick and rough.  There was too much to think about when he was too nice.  

He paused to sit up and look down at me, his fingers tracing down to the hem of my pants. He started to unbutton them and whispered, "Fuck, you're pretty."

I very nearly lost it then. My whole body froze, and all I could think about was Ian, touching me and hurting me and I couldn't breathe and the world was closing in around me and—

"Eren? Eren! Shit, I'm sorry. Eren, are you okay?"

"Yeah," I panted hard, trying to get enough air. "I just—I remembered something. It's not your fault."

Dieter eyed me warily. "Let’s stop.  This was a mistake."

I wiped some wetness away from my eyes. "No wait!  Just trust me. Just—don't say anything." If I could just get this to work, it would be okay.

"...Okay. But if you freak out one more time, that's it. I don't want to do anything that'll hurt you."

I nodded. "I promise, I won't freak out again."  

“Okay.”

It was a really hard promise to keep at first.  Dieter continued to undress me, and I shivered again. I put my hands on his shoulders so that he couldn't get too close and I kept looking at his face, trying to remind myself that this man wasn't Ian. But I kept seeing Ian's face and hearing his voice and feeling his touch. My heart raced.  Dieter stroked between my legs and I took deep breaths to keep from screaming.  

“Does it feel okay?”  I gave him the tiniest nod.  I didn’t dare speak.  “You’re not getting hard.”  

“‘Sokay,” I mumbled.  “Don’t stop.”  He said something in response, but I was putting all my focus into ignoring everything.  I didn’t move, I didn’t make a sound, I just concentrated as hard as I could on staying out of that dark and scary place in my mind.  He kept going, slipping his fingers into me, even though I still wasn’t even a little bit hard.  Even though he'd brought it up earlier, he didn’t seem to mind that, or the fact that I was doing a whole lot of nothing.  He just carried on fingering my asshole as I let my instincts take over, spreading my legs like I’d been trained to do.

After months and months of doing this, my body knew exactly what to do, leaving me free to just...float away.  I stopped looking at Dieter and started looking at _everything_ else in the room. The lint on the bedspread, the dust that collected on the lamp, the black scuff mark on the white wall—

"Eren, can I put it in?" Dieter's voice was strained.

"Yes," I breathed.

I don't really remember the rest.

* * *

 Dieter cradled me gently, my back to his chest, and pressed kisses to the back of my neck and behind my ears. "Have you calmed down some?"

"Yeah," I croaked. I was embarrassed. I had cried hysterically for a while, and Dieter was being really nice, even though he had every right to be upset. I turned to face him, putting my hands on his chest. "I'm all right now," I smiled.

He twirled my hair around his finger. "I'm sorry."

“Don’t be.”  I didn’t want his pity.  It didn’t change anything.

"You know, Eren," Dieter said softly, "you don't have to go back to being a prostitute."

I turned and wriggled away so that I could look at his face.  My spine was on fire.  "Sure I can. It's easy." That’s what I said to him, but I would honestly have rather died.  Hooking would have been about the same as death at that point.

"Eren, stay with me."  He rubbed my arm.

"You want to spend the night? That's going to cost you," I joked, but staying awake was a chore at that point, and I didn’t want to be alone in that place. In _any_ place.

"No, I mean stay with _me_. Come to Minnesota. I'll take care of you.”  He put his arms around me.  “We have a farm. My family will like you. You can take care of the chickens and make me dinner, and I'll make love to you all night."

I laughed genuinely. "You want me to be your little wife?"

He grinned broadly.  "Doesn't it sound nice?"

I sighed. "It sounds nicer than this." But I couldn’t imagine myself living that kind of life.  I couldn’t imagine myself living any kind of life, really.

He started to pet my hair.  "Why don't you sleep on it? You can let me know tomorrow."

I narrowed my eyes.  "...You're really being serious, aren't you?"

Dieter laughed. "Of course!"  He pressed a kiss to my forehead.

“Too much,” I whispered.

“Okay,” he replied quietly.

* * *

"You really are going to think about it, right?" Dieter asked. He hadn’t said anything once he got dressed, and I couldn’t find the words to ask him to stay.  Instead, I asked him to bring me to the Corporal’s.  It was better that I wasn’t in that horrible place, and with any luck, the Corporal would welcome me back.  Even if I had to beg, I’d do anything if it meant I didn’t have to be alone with someone who dreamt of making love to me every night for the rest of our lives.

"Yes," I answered finally.  I might as well.  There really wasn’t really ever anything for me in Arizona, and I could really live without seeing Phoenix ever again.

"Well, take care."

"You too." Every joint in my body groaned in disapproval as I exited the car and made my way back to the room. Wherever that was. I didn't really remember. I took a wild guess based off of what my brain remembered and knocked on a door.

At first, I thought no one was there, but as soon as I decided to walk away, the door opened and I was pulled into an embrace.  "You fucking brat. I was worried sick, you know?"

"Hey, Corporal."

The dark-haired man glowered at me, pushing me back against the door that he’d slammed closed. “The fuck is wrong with you? Running off like that. You need _rest_ , idiot."

"Yeah." I ached absolutely everywhere, but I was getting used to the feeling of unending pain at that point. "I need a bath." I must have really looked like hell after running around all day.

"Come," Levi commanded, and he walked off into the bathroom.  He had me sit on the edge of the tub while he turned on the tap.  

“Do you think it’s okay to submerge some of these wounds?" Levi grunted in response, starting to undress me.

“It’ll be fine as long as we dress them properly when you’re finished.”

I nodded, lifting up my butt so he could remove my pants.  "I'm feeling deja vu, I think."

"You being a dumb brat and me taking care of it? Sounds familiar." He sounded pissed, but something told me that he was happy to see me again.

"Corporal, did you think I wasn't going to come back?"

He took a few moments to answer. I slid into the still-filling tub and watched him fold my clothes, melting into the warm water. "If you don’t _want_ to be here, you don’t have to.”

“I wasn’t trying to run away forever.  I just…”  I sighed, my eyes closing all on their own.  “I don’t know.”

"Yeah." He started to scrub me with a washcloth, and it made all my hair stand on end.

I looked over at him, and he was pointedly not looking at me.  His touch got a little softer, to my surprise, and he was being really careful around my wounds. "You'd make a good dad,” I joked.

"That's fucking gross. Don't say shit like that." He pulled one of my legs up out of the water.

I smirked.  "Huh? Don't you like kids?"

"I don't care about that. But I’m not into that Daddy bullshit, got it?"

“Me neither,” I cringed.  "It's just getting to be like that. You taking care of me all the time."

He dropped my leg unceremoniously back into the water. "You keep fucking yapping, you can just do this shit yourself."

"No, no. That's fine. Please continue." I don't think my body would have even moved out of the way of a train in that moment.

"Hm." He started to wash my other leg when we heard a knock on the front door. Levi looked at his watch and muttered something under his breath before going to answer it.  “Stay quiet.”

I turned off the water and nodded as he left.  I stayed as still as I could and strained to hear, but there wasn’t much.  I heard voices, but not words.  A few more seconds passed, and door closed.  Was the person gone?  I put my hand over the faucet, but waited to turn the water back on.  Whoever it was, they must have come in, because I heard voices again.  I sank back down into the water, knocking a shampoo bottle into the water as I did.  I cringed and grabbed the bottle, hoping that it didn’t mess it up.  The Corporal was clearly trying to hide my existence, and I was doing a shit job of hiding.

I heard footsteps, and suddenly the door burst open.  “Kid, meet my boss, Commander Erwin Smith.”  He seemed annoyed, but sat down on the edge of the tub and started to wash my arms like there was nothing wrong.

The Commander blinked.  "What the fuck is this?"

“It’s bath time.”  The Corporal clearly gave zero fucks.  

Erwin facepalmed.  "Didn't it occur to you that it might be a little  _not okay_ to bathe him?"

"Parents bathe their children, right?" I was actually going to start laughing, but Levi's fingers threaded through my hair and I lost the ability to form words.

"When they're _young_ children, sure. He’s too old for this, even if he were yours."

"Is he?  Aren’t we all young at heart?"

The Commander sighed, crossing his arms. "You're ridiculous. You really are."

"Does that mean we're done here?"

" _No_ , Levi.  You can’t just take on a ward because you want to."

"Erwin, I'm keeping him." His voice had a sense of finality.

"He's not a _dog_ , Levi. You can't just decide to keep him."

"Of course I can. Right, brat?" I barked in response.

"Levi.”  It was clear that the Commander was trying not to roll his eyes in incredulity.  “Even if circumstances allowed you to be his legal guardian—which you _can’t be_ ,” Erwin grated as Levi opened his mouth to interject, “there’s no way that bringing him on cases would ever be appropriate.”

The Corporal was endlessly defiant.  "He can take care of himself."

“Oh, yeah.”  Erwin made a large gesture in my direction.  "I’m sure he was doing a great job before Dietrich got a hold of him."  

“He got by just fine on his own until then,” The Corporal stated simply.

There was a slight pause.  "He’s a Titan victim."  He looked pale. "He needs to be taken to the hospital and—”

“All he needs is me.”  The Corporal’s tone was especially cool.

Erwin sighed.  “Levi, please.  Don't you care—”

" _Of course I fucking care_!" Levi’s voice echoed off of the tiled walls, and I suddenly wished that I could disappear.  

“Look, let’s come back to this.  There’s something we need to discuss.”  He put his hands on his hips and turned his head to beckon the Corporal out of the room.

Corporal turned his cold glare on me, willing me to decline, but instead I said, "Go ahead, Corporal. I'll be fine alone." If they were going to talk about me like I wasn't there, they might as well do it somewhere else.

* * *

"Dumb brat,” Levi called loudly, jarring me from sleep.  He reached into the freezing water and pulled the plug.  “Is this going to become a habit, falling asleep in pools of water?”

I yawned, "It's your fault, isn't it? You shouldn't have taken so long,” I joked. He didn't seem to be in the mood, though. Maybe that was to be expected. Was he really ever?  "Corporal? What is it?"

"Get dressed," he said quietly, setting a canvas bag down beside me. I recognized it as one I'd gotten for free when visiting a store's grand opening.

I sloshed the draining water around as I sat up and reached for it. "Is this mine? Where did you get this?" I started pulling stuff out.

He wasn’t looking at me.  "It's...what's left."

"What's left?" I stopped and stared up at him. "What does that mean?"

"That place...most of it burned down around three in the morning. I grabbed the salvageable things from your room."  I looked down. I didn't have lots of stuff, but it was still _mine_. A pale yellow sweatshirt, a couple pairs of underwear, and a pair of skinny blue jeans. "That's it?" I was trying not to be too sad about it. It was just stuff, but I felt overwhelmingly sad. The only things I had left in the world were here.

"Those are all the clothes that were still wearable. I also found a book, some money...a few other things. But it looks like I wasn't the first person to rummage through there. The others probably took whatever they could find."

I nodded. "I kept most of my cash in the back of the fridge. Junkies like to break into other people's rooms. They never thought to look in there."

Levi shook his head. "The fridge and microwave were not there."

"Someone boosted them, huh?" I sighed. "I guess that's fine. I can make it with this, for now."

"Look, Eren..." I blushed. Had he ever called me by my first name before? He sighed. "Just get ready for bed." I stood up and he wrapped a towel around me.

"Thank you, Corporal."

* * *

 

I heard the door open quietly.  "Eren? Are you all right?"

"Y-yeah. I'm all right." I felt a little sick. I was shivering and sweating and the dark room was suffocating.  I’d kicked most of the bedding off, but squeezed the remaining pillow tightly in my hands.

Levi came in and turned the light on, thankfully. I sucked in a deep breath and the air tasted sweet. "Do you need anything?"

"...Come sit with me?" I sounded pitiful. Levi sat next to me on the bed and pried on of my clammy hands off the pillow, stroking it gently.  I didn’t look up at him.

"What happened?" He handed me a bottle of water he kept on the nightstand.

"Had a nightmare," I stammered, fumbling to get the bottle open, but my hands were shaking pretty bad.

He took it from me. "Let me."

"L-Levi," I whimpered.

He looked at me and there was _emotion_ on his face. _Sadness_. It broke my heart. He put the bottle aside and wrapped his arms around me. "It's okay. You're fine. I'm here."

I cried in his arms until I fell asleep.


End file.
